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Portal 2
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Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
763
Who:
Core 3
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
762
Who:
Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact not found.
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 3
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
757
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
754
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
753
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
753
Who:
Defective Turret
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
751
Who:
Turret
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
749
Who:
Core 2
Hello?
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
747
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
747
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
737
Who:
Turret
Firing
Listens:
737
Who:
Turret
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
736
Who:
Defective Turret
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
731
Who:
Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
728
Who:
Core 3
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
728
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 1
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 3
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 2
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
723
Who:
Wheatley
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
722
Who:
Defective Turret
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
I need backup!
Listens:
716
Who:
Turret
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
714
Who:
Core 3
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
711
Who:
Core 3
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
711
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
709
Who:
Core 3
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
703
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
700
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
700
Who:
Defective Turret
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
698
Who:
Core 2
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
Good Job.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
694
Who:
Core 3
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
We are?
Listens:
693
Who:
Core 1
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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