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I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
963
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1915
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4401
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1627
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
20310
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2209
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Agghh!
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1686
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1589
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1623
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1241
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2806
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1057
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it!
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
DO press it.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1503
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1406
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
853
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
32636
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4970
Who:
GLaDOS
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
We're running out of time...
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4324
Who:
GLaDOS
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3710
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1096
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1274
Who:
GLaDOS
And...?
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4049
Who:
GLaDOS
But just work with me.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3634
Who:
GLaDOS
You're on your own.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1147
Who:
GLaDOS
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
963
Who:
GLaDOS
This is not good.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
784
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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