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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
763
Who:
Core 3
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7479
Who:
GLaDOS
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
38987
Who:
Wheatley
Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
826
Who:
Turret
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1761
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9047
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3344
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
1405
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1786
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
Blue is penalized
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1616
Who:
GLaDOS
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 3
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1392
Who:
Wheatley
I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
3116
Who:
Caroline
Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1122
Who:
Core 3
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1904
Who:
Wheatley
Standing down.
Listens:
412
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
583
Who:
Defective Turret
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1622
Who:
Core 3
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1419
Who:
Caroline
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2475
Who:
Wheatley
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1201
Who:
GLaDOS
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1489
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on.
Listens:
917
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
55535
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1038
Who:
Core 1
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
1033
Who:
Core 1
It worked!
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1053
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, what?
Listens:
443
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1501
Who:
Announcer
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2452
Who:
Announcer
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Turret
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
467
Who:
Wheatley
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
2907
Who:
Defective Turret
Dispensing product
Listens:
1656
Who:
Turret
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2268
Who:
Wheatley
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5318
Who:
Announcer
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
921
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww
Listens:
3092
Who:
Turret
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
34595
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1352
Who:
Core 2
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3886
Who:
Turret
Yes sir!
Listens:
3955
Who:
Caroline
Keep moving! Just keep moving!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2340
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3999
Who:
GLaDOS
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1714
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1380
Who:
Wheatley
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3342
Who:
Announcer
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
22252
Who:
Announcer
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
There.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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