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Portal 2
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5335
Who:
Announcer
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
605
Who:
Core 2
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1963
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34961
Who:
GLaDOS
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1686
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10741
Who:
Announcer
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1200
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5500
Who:
Core 1
Okay, you win.
Listens:
909
Who:
Turret
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1609
Who:
Turret
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7766
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2478
Who:
Core 1
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
135325
Who:
GLaDOS
Arsonist.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
952
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1646
Who:
Cave Johnson
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1848
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
766
Who:
Core 3
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1903
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
3420
Who:
Defective Turret
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3179
Who:
Cave Johnson
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4419
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
2899
Who:
Core 1
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1757
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
1022
Who:
Wheatley
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3912
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1239
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6791
Who:
Defective Turret
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
2310
Who:
Turret
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
846
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1380
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1987
Who:
Cave Johnson
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1323
Who:
GLaDOS
Moody.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
746
Who:
Wheatley
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
50832
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
771
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
746
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
24294
Who:
GLaDOS
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1055
Who:
Defective Turret
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
2015
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
746
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2036
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4811
Who:
Cave Johnson
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
786
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
736
Who:
Turret
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wet blanket.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
709
Who:
Core 3
I'm trouble.
Listens:
379
Who:
Defective Turret
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3327
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
692
Who:
Wheatley
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
692
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
What?
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1448
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Unconstructive.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Orange
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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