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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3607
Who:
Turret
Agh!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
865
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
1188
Who:
Core 1
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9911
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
931
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
MOVE.
Listens:
517
Who:
Wheatley
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
773
Who:
Defective Turret
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
6025
Who:
Cave Johnson
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Core 3
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1644
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 2
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5300
Who:
Announcer
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1278
Who:
Announcer
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2185
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1836
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1499
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5946
Who:
GLaDOS
So whatever you're doing, keep doing it!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
943
Who:
GLaDOS
All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1378
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
19346
Who:
Core 1
I’m scared!
Listens:
961
Who:
Turret
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2483
Who:
Turret
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
3043
Who:
GLaDOS
OW.
Listens:
783
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
497
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2908
Who:
Wheatley
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want this!
Listens:
19327
Who:
Caroline
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
656
Who:
Wheatley
[Laughter]
Listens:
5860
Who:
GLaDOS
Might as well give you the tour.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1655
Who:
Wheatley
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Failure...
Listens:
1709
Who:
Turret
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2448
Who:
Announcer
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
803
Who:
Core 3
Whee!
Listens:
2252
Who:
Turret
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21799
Who:
Wheatley
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
806
Who:
Wheatley
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
888
Who:
Core 3
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1535
Who:
Announcer
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4415
Who:
Announcer
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
774
Who:
Wheatley
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2202
Who:
Defective Turret
There.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
And that makes 10.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
8628
Who:
Announcer
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
125864
Who:
Cave Johnson
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5559
Who:
Core 1
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
497
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Core 1
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
975
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 3
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4049
Who:
Announcer
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10734
Who:
Announcer
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
752
Who:
Defective Turret
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
1509
Who:
Core 1
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1565
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
606
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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