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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Stop it!
Listens:
5555
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
And that makes 10.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
698
Who:
Core 2
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1265
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember that!
Listens:
1261
Who:
Turret
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1589
Who:
Announcer
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Lacks confidence.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3682
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Core 1
Aw, come on!
Listens:
700
Who:
Defective Turret
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2272
Who:
Core 1
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1299
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
35647
Who:
Core 1
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1145
Who:
GLaDOS
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
826
Who:
Core 3
Hey.
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 1
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2248
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3952
Who:
Wheatley
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1003
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks!
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Standing down.
Listens:
412
Who:
Defective Turret
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1703
Who:
Announcer
Okay...
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2738
Who:
Core 1
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15445
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
689
Who:
Wheatley
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1919
Who:
Core 1
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
This way! This way!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1849
Who:
GLaDOS
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1155
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4333
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2453
Who:
GLaDOS
That isn't science.
Listens:
2618
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2148
Who:
Wheatley
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Announcer
Don't forget!
Listens:
1009
Who:
Turret
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
86884
Who:
GLaDOS
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2232
Who:
Wheatley
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
964
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is awarded five points!
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
497
Who:
Wheatley
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3344
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggggh!
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 2
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5823
Who:
Core 3
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
3122
Who:
Core 1
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 2
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
876
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2583
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
765
Who:
Core 3
Please ping a white portalable surface.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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