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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
958
Who:
Defective Turret
Owwwww!
Listens:
1426
Who:
Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6410
Who:
Wheatley
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
153216
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
844
Who:
Wheatley
Be careful!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Please go to space.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Core 1
Try to make your way back out here!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2052
Who:
Defective Turret
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1676
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wow.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
994
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 3
Failure...
Listens:
1709
Who:
Turret
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6532
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Has irritating opinions.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
1005
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
922
Who:
Announcer
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
898
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
933
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
446
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38287
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwww!
Listens:
984
Who:
Turret
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
1201
Who:
Turret
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
733
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1853
Who:
Core 3
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2523
Who:
GLaDOS
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1753
Who:
GLaDOS
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
452
Who:
Defective Turret
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3134
Who:
Caroline
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6950
Who:
Wheatley
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5371
Who:
GLaDOS
GET IN!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1043
Who:
Core 1
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3905
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you testing me?
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1634
Who:
Turret
Unknown error
Listens:
1881
Who:
Turret
Okay...
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
27558
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1629
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3453
Who:
Core 1
Goodbye Caroline!
Listens:
25766
Who:
Caroline
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
35703
Who:
GLaDOS
There's another wall over here!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
125866
Who:
Cave Johnson
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1462
Who:
Core 3
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1521
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
12689
Who:
Turret
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Do not do it!
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
855
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
850
Who:
Core 1
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
1036
Who:
GLaDOS
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
874
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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