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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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The turret factory should be this way I think.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 1
Go on.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
753
Who:
Defective Turret
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 3
Target lost
Listens:
3919
Who:
Turret
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1867
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2154
Who:
Caroline
I just hate Blue a little more.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1268
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
29848
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
1421
Who:
Turret
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1355
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2468
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1152
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
980
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1393
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1992
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3813
Who:
GLaDOS
Histrionic.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Announcer
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1469
Who:
Wheatley
Think about this.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 2
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1556
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1553
Who:
Core 1
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3705
Who:
GLaDOS
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4230
Who:
Core 3
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1147
Who:
Wheatley
Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake...
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2457
Who:
Cave Johnson
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5300
Who:
Announcer
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1358
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2061
Who:
Turret
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1232
Who:
Wheatley
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4043
Who:
GLaDOS
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Owwww!
Listens:
984
Who:
Turret
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2261
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah!
Listens:
1656
Who:
Core 1
GAH!
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Core 3
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
DO press it.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
There.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
And that makes 10.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
958
Who:
Defective Turret
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3456
Who:
GLaDOS
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
1020
Who:
Core 1
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1839
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8373
Who:
Cave Johnson
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
498
Who:
Defective Turret
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
There she is...
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1607
Who:
Core 1
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3322
Who:
Wheatley
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3331
Who:
Wheatley
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1348
Who:
Defective Turret
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
800
Who:
Core 3
Anxious.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
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