Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
1080
Who:
Announcer
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1927
Who:
Wheatley
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry
Listens:
2842
Who:
Turret
You KNOW her?
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2749
Who:
GLaDOS
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3456
Who:
Core 1
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2366
Who:
Announcer
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
571
Who:
Defective Turret
Dispensing product
Listens:
1654
Who:
Turret
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
690
Who:
Core 2
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Get mad!
Listens:
34652
Who:
Turret
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1168
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried.
Listens:
414
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2203
Who:
Defective Turret
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
715
Who:
Defective Turret
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
762
Who:
Turret
Anxious.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20862
Who:
Defective Turret
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1666
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4998
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
735
Who:
Wheatley
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Target acquired.
Listens:
9739
Who:
Turret
Are you testing me?
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
35641
Who:
Core 1
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
20779
Who:
Announcer
Going to space.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Core 1
Get ready for it!
Listens:
371
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
853
Who:
Core 1
Here I go!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
848
Who:
Defective Turret
Agghh!
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
You're on your own.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
667
Who:
Turret
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1523
Who:
GLaDOS
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2037
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue
Listens:
1803
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Nap time
Listens:
3411
Who:
Turret
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1499
Who:
Core 2
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
3115
Who:
Caroline
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10986
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
870
Who:
Wheatley
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
949
Who:
Wheatley
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
27594
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1296
Who:
Cave Johnson
Excuse me
Listens:
2080
Who:
Turret
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
508
Who:
Defective Turret
Emotional problems.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1627
Who:
Core 3
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1173
Who:
Core 3
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep moving, keep moving...
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 3
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1124
Who:
Defective Turret
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1509
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Core 1
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25557
Who:
Core 1
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1500
Who:
Announcer
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2036
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1250
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!