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How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Core 3
[laughs]
Listens:
2486
Who:
Wheatley
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4561
Who:
Announcer
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
487
Who:
Defective Turret
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1521
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
822
Who:
Core 3
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
20929
Who:
Core 1
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
four
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
961
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3932
Who:
Defective Turret
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4153
Who:
Core 1
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
461502
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38287
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go!
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Come on!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
1088
Who:
Wheatley
I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Let go of me!
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3686
Who:
Cave Johnson
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1054
Who:
Core 1
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1373
Who:
Core 3
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2793
Who:
GLaDOS
She's bringing the whole place down! Hurry!
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1608
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2094
Who:
Wheatley
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1623
Who:
Core 1
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1615
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, stand back, everybody.
Listens:
427
Who:
Defective Turret
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
606
Who:
Defective Turret
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3872
Who:
Wheatley
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
848
Who:
Wheatley
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
888
Who:
Core 3
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4495
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
666
Who:
Defective Turret
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Get ready for it!
Listens:
370
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm different...
Listens:
69640
Who:
Turret
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
716
Who:
Core 3
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
704
Who:
Core 3
Like the potato!
Listens:
186623
Who:
Defective Turret
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead and grab another one.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
1027
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2244
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6432
Who:
Cave Johnson
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1496
Who:
Core 2
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
3150
Who:
Announcer
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Over here! This way!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1504
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
446
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi again!
Listens:
935
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2089
Who:
Turret
Well done!
Listens:
667
Who:
Turret
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Get mad!
Listens:
34589
Who:
Turret
Surprise.
Listens:
6137
Who:
GLaDOS
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2504
Who:
Announcer
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1098
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
864
Who:
Turret
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Core 3
three
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
958
Who:
Announcer
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1476
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
915
Who:
Defective Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
1240
Who:
Turret
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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