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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
113677
Who:
Core 2
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2806
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7600
Who:
Wheatley
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1570
Who:
Core 1
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2369
Who:
Announcer
Dull expression.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1070
Who:
Defective Turret
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1542
Who:
Announcer
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1122
Who:
Wheatley
The end.
Listens:
1641
Who:
GLaDOS
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4049
Who:
GLaDOS
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
501
Who:
Defective Turret
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7704
Who:
Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6958
Who:
Wheatley
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1716
Who:
Cave Johnson
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2425
Who:
Core 3
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4423
Who:
Core 3
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1449
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1061
Who:
Defective Turret
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Can you get out?
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
Hostile to new ideas.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46076
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
689
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
We're running out of time...
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1347
Who:
Turret
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1676
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hurry!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3710
Who:
Announcer
Space.
Listens:
1026
Who:
Core 1
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1634
Who:
GLaDOS
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
368
Who:
Defective Turret
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
864
Who:
Core 3
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1609
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2562
Who:
Turret
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Please go to space.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Core 1
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
19952
Who:
GLaDOS
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
22350
Who:
Wheatley
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1857
Who:
Core 3
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
965
Who:
Announcer
Okay, this way
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
863
Who:
Turret
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3987
Who:
Announcer
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Owww!
Listens:
956
Who:
Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
8703
Who:
Announcer
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8772
Who:
Caroline
What are you doing?
Listens:
1067
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2031
Who:
Announcer
Oh those clerks.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Finish it...
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
659
Who:
Defective Turret
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
You don't need to do that.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
898
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Core 1
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5377
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
736
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
903
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
The end?
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
871
Who:
Turret
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2036
Who:
Wheatley
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Why...
Listens:
2845
Who:
Turret
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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