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Portal 2
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Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3458
Who:
Core 1
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
477
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
But just work with me.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2247
Who:
Defective Turret
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
1026
Who:
Core 1
Goodbye
Listens:
8595
Who:
Turret
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1341
Who:
Announcer
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 2
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1171
Who:
Wheatley
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1609
Who:
GLaDOS
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8989
Who:
Core 3
You're on your own.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 2
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
959
Who:
Core 3
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3943
Who:
Announcer
Nap time
Listens:
3412
Who:
Turret
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
553
Who:
Core 3
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3770
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5658
Who:
Cave Johnson
ow.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
983
Who:
Announcer
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1201
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1475
Who:
Wheatley
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
20949
Who:
Core 1
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
19149
Who:
Cave Johnson
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1817
Who:
Cave Johnson
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
It burns.
Listens:
2860
Who:
Turret
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3327
Who:
Turret
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
555
Who:
Core 3
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2232
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1885
Who:
Core 1
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Core 1
Put me down!
Listens:
979
Who:
Turret
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4508
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi again!
Listens:
939
Who:
Defective Turret
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2782
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1810
Who:
GLaDOS
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1963
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5717
Who:
Core 2
Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 3
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Wheatley
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Blue receives
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
728
Who:
Core 3
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1786
Who:
GLaDOS
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
2024
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4971
Who:
GLaDOS
No variances detected.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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