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I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
1005
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
772
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1935
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4454
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1658
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1419
Who:
GLaDOS
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
20551
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2261
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Agghh!
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1724
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
690
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1612
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1669
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1305
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2919
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1078
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1414
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it!
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
DO press it.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1557
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1425
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1299
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
33078
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
5105
Who:
GLaDOS
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
We're running out of time...
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4371
Who:
GLaDOS
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3756
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1112
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1319
Who:
GLaDOS
And...?
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4132
Who:
GLaDOS
But just work with me.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3690
Who:
GLaDOS
You're on your own.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1178
Who:
GLaDOS
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
977
Who:
GLaDOS
This is not good.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
892
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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