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I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
999
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1932
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4447
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1652
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1410
Who:
GLaDOS
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
20491
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2249
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
Agghh!
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1713
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1610
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1661
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1298
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2892
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1070
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1408
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it!
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
DO press it.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1545
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1421
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
861
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1285
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
32977
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
5084
Who:
GLaDOS
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
835
Who:
GLaDOS
We're running out of time...
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4365
Who:
GLaDOS
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3749
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1108
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
780
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
And...?
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4117
Who:
GLaDOS
But just work with me.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3674
Who:
GLaDOS
You're on your own.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
970
Who:
GLaDOS
This is not good.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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