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One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1649
Who:
GLaDOS
That isn't science.
Listens:
2624
Who:
GLaDOS
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1667
Who:
GLaDOS
The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
I was confident you could finish.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1420
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1307
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent work.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Good Job.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent work.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
That’s right. You're not humans.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1321
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1570
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't die in any of those ways.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7308
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding.
Listens:
908
Who:
GLaDOS
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
You will need him for the final track.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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