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Portal 2
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To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
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2818
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
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707
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
470
Who:
Wheatley
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
What was that?
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
987
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
418
Who:
Wheatley
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1785
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2395
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7619
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2106
Who:
Wheatley
What?
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2283
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
973
Who:
Wheatley
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1415
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
1016
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
On ya go.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Okay...
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
982
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
538
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
There she is...
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2932
Who:
Wheatley
Right behind me.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
999
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
7181
Who:
Wheatley
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3233
Who:
Wheatley
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
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