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Portal 2
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To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2764
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
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696
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
440
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
What was that?
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
945
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, doubt it.
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414
Who:
Wheatley
Well, on with the test.
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314
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1746
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2367
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7203
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2038
Who:
Wheatley
What?
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1397
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2266
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
967
Who:
Wheatley
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1407
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
1007
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
467
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1167
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
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331
Who:
Wheatley
On ya go.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Okay...
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
959
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
443
Who:
Wheatley
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
522
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
There she is...
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
790
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Wheatley
But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either.
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
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327
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2908
Who:
Wheatley
Right behind me.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
994
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
7052
Who:
Wheatley
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3202
Who:
Wheatley
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
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