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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1220
Who:
Wheatley
Try to make your way back out here!
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1324
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
4108
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2885
Who:
Turret
This time...
Listens:
518
Who:
Defective Turret
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
903
Who:
Core 2
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
779
Who:
Core 3
All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
618
Who:
Core 3
Oh.
Listens:
522
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Core 1
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
Right behind me.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1516
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
421
Who:
Core 2
DO press it.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, just a second...
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
Oh boy.
Listens:
1040
Who:
Core 1
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
686
Who:
Turret
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Announcer
Emotional problems.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1050
Who:
Wheatley
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
850
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1407
Who:
Announcer
For your test.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3275
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
974
Who:
Core 1
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 2
Never shares.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
75401
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8504
Who:
Turret
Are we in space?
Listens:
1007
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
508
Who:
Wheatley
We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3498
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
806
Who:
Core 3
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
922
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1233
Who:
Announcer
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1321
Who:
Defective Turret
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1301
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1490
Who:
Cave Johnson
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3693
Who:
Turret
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
622
Who:
Defective Turret
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3497
Who:
Announcer
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
400
Who:
Defective Turret
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1518
Who:
Announcer
Noted.
Listens:
725
Who:
Turret
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7446
Who:
Wheatley
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1568
Who:
GLaDOS
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1885
Who:
Core 1
I swear I know him...
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
One
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
785
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
Blue receives
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1718
Who:
Cave Johnson
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
968
Who:
Core 3
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1229
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1234
Who:
Wheatley
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1256
Who:
GLaDOS
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks!
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooo?
Listens:
1087
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1011
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah, let's do this.
Listens:
387
Who:
Defective Turret
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
872
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Core 3
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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