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Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
962
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact not found.
Listens:
761
Who:
Core 3
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3124
Who:
Core 3
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
973
Who:
Announcer
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
912
Who:
Wheatley
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 2
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
I need backup!
Listens:
722
Who:
Turret
How was that?
Listens:
380
Who:
Defective Turret
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Listens:
516
Who:
Wheatley
Come to gloat?
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Announcer
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2075
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2632
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all.
Listens:
396
Who:
Defective Turret
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
669
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
We're in space!
Listens:
2618
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2474
Who:
Announcer
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2469
Who:
Announcer
No sense of humor.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
401
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
741
Who:
Defective Turret
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2264
Who:
Cave Johnson
You win.
Listens:
1356
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
531
Who:
Defective Turret
Well played.
Listens:
468
Who:
Defective Turret
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Core 1
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1374
Who:
Defective Turret
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1794
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
632
Who:
Defective Turret
There you are! I was starting to get worried.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
1012
Who:
Defective Turret
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3389
Who:
Core 1
You both need to do something.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
541
Who:
Defective Turret
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8616
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
929
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1677
Who:
Core 1
Sorry.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1079
Who:
Cave Johnson
She did all the work.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1953
Who:
Caroline
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
892
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, let's do this.
Listens:
450
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
502
Who:
Defective Turret
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1070
Who:
Core 3
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1472
Who:
Core 3
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2367
Who:
Core 2
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
5082
Who:
Cave Johnson
She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science.
Listens:
1801
Who:
Cave Johnson
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7831
Who:
Core 2
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3889
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
9902
Who:
Turret
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 3
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4931
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2484
Who:
Cave Johnson
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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