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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Please put me down
Listens:
1213
Who:
Turret
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
2924
Who:
GLaDOS
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3645
Who:
Core 2
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
908
Who:
Cave Johnson
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Announcer
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1261
Who:
Turret
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
832
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
889
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
17423
Who:
Cave Johnson
Martyr.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2563
Who:
Wheatley
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2299
Who:
Announcer
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1213
Who:
Defective Turret
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
958
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1343
Who:
Core 1
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
9928
Who:
Turret
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
What was that?
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9000
Who:
Caroline
Oops.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
387
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Please ping a white portalable surface.
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
398
Who:
Defective Turret
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
3045
Who:
Defective Turret
Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
Listens:
252
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2332
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2058
Who:
Announcer
This isn't fair!
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
979
Who:
Core 1
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
532
Who:
Core 3
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2058
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2223
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1136
Who:
Defective Turret
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
945
Who:
Core 1
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1047
Who:
Turret
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1528
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1711
Who:
Core 3
Like the potato!
Listens:
178303
Who:
Defective Turret
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
792
Who:
Defective Turret
Timid.
Listens:
245
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
962
Who:
Core 1
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
4733
Who:
Turret
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 3
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1596
Who:
GLaDOS
Think about this.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2300
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
4623
Who:
Turret
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4009
Who:
Turret
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
581
Who:
Core 3
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
127555
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
1778
Who:
Core 1
Yes sir!
Listens:
3636
Who:
Caroline
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1760
Who:
Cave Johnson
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2318
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
447
Who:
Defective Turret
Pick--would you pick me up?
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
255
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Wet blanket.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4143
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Announcer
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
718
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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