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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2260
Who:
Wheatley
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Announcer
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
759
Who:
Defective Turret
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2967
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3938
Who:
Defective Turret
There.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Chews with mouth open.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1092
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4457
Who:
Turret
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
910
Who:
Wheatley
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
791
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Get in the lift.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1677
Who:
Core 1
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1784
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
597
Who:
Defective Turret
Timid.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
You are making this harder than it needs to be.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2168
Who:
Wheatley
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1627
Who:
Turret
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
2031
Who:
Core 3
Blah.
Listens:
1427
Who:
GLaDOS
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1697
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1315
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you...
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
702
Who:
Wheatley
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1395
Who:
Core 3
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
1148
Who:
Wheatley
Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
401
Who:
Defective Turret
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4257
Who:
GLaDOS
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Listens:
19080
Who:
Wheatley
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1974
Who:
Wheatley
There you are, reassembled again.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1864
Who:
Wheatley
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1404
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4893
Who:
GLaDOS
Try one of those childish gestures.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
Lacks charisma.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
32112
Who:
Core 2
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Wheatley
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1872
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2049
Who:
Core 3
Never completes work.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4628
Who:
Announcer
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1415
Who:
Wheatley
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3848
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1929
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Listens:
28726
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
20595
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1285
Who:
GLaDOS
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
47157
Who:
GLaDOS
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
640
Who:
Core 3
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
911
Who:
Core 3
There we go. Lights on.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1355
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1632
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
509
Who:
Defective Turret
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4178
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
937
Who:
Turret
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
699
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2097
Who:
Turret
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
653
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1375
Who:
Caroline
Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2892
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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