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These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1103
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
1008
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2746
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
23402
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
907
Who:
GLaDOS
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1052
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
798
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
942
Who:
GLaDOS
NO.
Listens:
2022
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1951
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
659
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
698
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4812
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1119
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
44508
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
46805
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7660
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
28514
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is awarded five points!
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1413
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
From here we transport you to the new testing course.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5783
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
921
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue
Listens:
1760
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
669
Who:
GLaDOS
One
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1321
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
939
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1360
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is penalized
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is penalized
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue receives
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange receives
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you go first.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
656
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
1005
Who:
GLaDOS
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1453
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
2015
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1576
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1057
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1001
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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