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These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
1050
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2812
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1609
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
23845
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1092
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
969
Who:
GLaDOS
NO.
Listens:
2093
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
2004
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Good.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1053
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4920
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1165
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46076
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
47908
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7974
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
29357
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is awarded five points!
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
From here we transport you to the new testing course.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5863
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
988
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue
Listens:
1803
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
One
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1376
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1438
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is penalized
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is penalized
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue receives
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange receives
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
868
Who:
GLaDOS
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you go first.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
768
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
1036
Who:
GLaDOS
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1482
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
2082
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1630
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1106
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1018
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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