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Portal 2
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That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
703
Who:
Turret
Miss you!
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
702
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
697
Who:
Core 2
Don't press the button!
Listens:
697
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
696
Who:
Defective Turret
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
693
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
692
Who:
Core 3
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
690
Who:
Core 2
clickclickclick
Listens:
689
Who:
Defective Turret
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
688
Who:
Turret
That's horrible.
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
682
Who:
Defective Turret
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
680
Who:
Turret
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
679
Who:
Wheatley
Firing
Listens:
679
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
678
Who:
Defective Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
677
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
677
Who:
Wheatley
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
675
Who:
Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
670
Who:
Core 3
AH!
Listens:
667
Who:
Wheatley
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
666
Who:
Defective Turret
ow.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
664
Who:
Defective Turret
Come closer.
Listens:
664
Who:
Turret
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
661
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
657
Who:
Defective Turret
You won't regret this!
Listens:
653
Who:
Defective Turret
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
651
Who:
Core 3
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
651
Who:
Wheatley
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
644
Who:
Defective Turret
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
640
Who:
Core 3
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 1
Well done!
Listens:
636
Who:
Turret
We are?
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 1
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
635
Who:
Turret
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 3
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
632
Who:
Turret
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
631
Who:
Core 2
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Good Job.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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