Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
743
Who:
Turret
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
740
Who:
Turret
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
739
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
736
Who:
Core 2
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
735
Who:
Defective Turret
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
733
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
732
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
730
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
729
Who:
Core 2
Hello?
Listens:
727
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
725
Who:
Defective Turret
Firing
Listens:
723
Who:
Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
721
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 3
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
718
Who:
Defective Turret
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
718
Who:
Turret
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
714
Who:
Defective Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
713
Who:
Turret
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
705
Who:
Defective Turret
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
704
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
704
Who:
Turret
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
702
Who:
Core 3
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
697
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
696
Who:
Defective Turret
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
695
Who:
Core 3
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
689
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
682
Who:
Core 3
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
682
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
682
Who:
Defective Turret
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Come closer.
Listens:
681
Who:
Turret
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
You won't regret this!
Listens:
680
Who:
Defective Turret
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
679
Who:
Core 3
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
679
Who:
Core 2
Good Job.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
679
Who:
Defective Turret
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
678
Who:
Turret
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
677
Who:
Core 2
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
677
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
675
Who:
Core 1
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
674
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
673
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
672
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
670
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
