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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Miss you!
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
711
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't press the button!
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
710
Who:
Defective Turret
OW.
Listens:
709
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
707
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 2
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
703
Who:
Core 3
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
701
Who:
Core 2
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
700
Who:
Core 3
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
698
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
698
Who:
Defective Turret
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
693
Who:
Wheatley
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
693
Who:
Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
691
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
691
Who:
Wheatley
Firing
Listens:
691
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
689
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
689
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
689
Who:
Defective Turret
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
688
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
688
Who:
Defective Turret
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
687
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
686
Who:
Turret
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
683
Who:
Defective Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
I need backup!
Listens:
679
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
677
Who:
Core 3
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
677
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
677
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
673
Who:
Defective Turret
Come closer.
Listens:
669
Who:
Turret
NO!
Listens:
668
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
667
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
666
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
661
Who:
Core 3
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
659
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
659
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
659
Who:
Defective Turret
Aw, come on!
Listens:
659
Who:
Defective Turret
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
657
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
656
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
653
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
651
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Resting
Listens:
645
Who:
Turret
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
644
Who:
Core 3
Good Job.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
We are?
Listens:
643
Who:
Core 1
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
642
Who:
Core 1
Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE.
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
640
Who:
Core 2
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 3
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 2
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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