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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Briefly.
Listens:
788
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
788
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
788
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
787
Who:
Core 3
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
787
Who:
Core 3
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
784
Who:
Core 2
Good shot!
Listens:
784
Who:
Turret
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
783
Who:
Defective Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
782
Who:
Core 3
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
781
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
780
Who:
Defective Turret
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
780
Who:
Turret
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
779
Who:
Core 3
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
777
Who:
Core 3
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
777
Who:
Wheatley
Wow.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
771
Who:
Wheatley
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
770
Who:
Turret
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
769
Who:
Defective Turret
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
768
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
768
Who:
Turret
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
Firing
Listens:
767
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
765
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
764
Who:
Core 2
Dang!
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
763
Who:
Core 3
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
762
Who:
Wheatley
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
760
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
759
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
759
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
759
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 2
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
758
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
754
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
752
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
751
Who:
Defective Turret
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
746
Who:
Core 3
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
746
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
746
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
744
Who:
Core 1
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
744
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
744
Who:
Turret
ow.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
741
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
739
Who:
Core 2
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
737
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
737
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
735
Who:
Core 3
That's horrible.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
734
Who:
Defective Turret
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
732
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
731
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
731
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
731
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
730
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
730
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
727
Who:
Core 3
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
727
Who:
Wheatley
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
727
Who:
Wheatley
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
726
Who:
Core 2
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
725
Who:
Turret
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 3
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
723
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
721
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
721
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
720
Who:
Core 3
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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