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Portal 2
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No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
787
Who:
Wheatley
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
786
Who:
Core 3
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
785
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
784
Who:
Core 2
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
783
Who:
Defective Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
782
Who:
Core 3
Good shot!
Listens:
782
Who:
Turret
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
780
Who:
Defective Turret
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
779
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
779
Who:
Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
777
Who:
Core 3
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 3
Wow.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
774
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
773
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
769
Who:
Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
768
Who:
Turret
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
767
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
767
Who:
Defective Turret
Firing
Listens:
765
Who:
Turret
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
764
Who:
Core 2
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
764
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
763
Who:
Core 3
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
759
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
759
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
758
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
758
Who:
GLaDOS
Noted.
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
757
Who:
Core 2
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
757
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
755
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
752
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
752
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
750
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
749
Who:
Defective Turret
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
748
Who:
Wheatley
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
746
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
746
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
744
Who:
Core 1
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
744
Who:
Core 3
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
744
Who:
Turret
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
741
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
737
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
735
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
735
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
735
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
734
Who:
Core 3
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
732
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
730
Who:
Core 2
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
730
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
730
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
730
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
730
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
729
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
728
Who:
Defective Turret
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
727
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
725
Who:
Core 3
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
725
Who:
Turret
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
724
Who:
Core 2
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 3
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
721
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
720
Who:
GLaDOS
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 3
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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