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Portal 2
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Good shot!
Listens:
775
Who:
Turret
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
774
Who:
Core 2
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
773
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
773
Who:
Wheatley
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
773
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
772
Who:
Core 3
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
772
Who:
Wheatley
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
772
Who:
Defective Turret
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
770
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
770
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
769
Who:
Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
768
Who:
Core 3
Wow.
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
764
Who:
Turret
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
763
Who:
Defective Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
761
Who:
Core 3
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
760
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
759
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
759
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
758
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
757
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
754
Who:
Core 2
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
754
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
750
Who:
Core 2
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
750
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
749
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
Firing
Listens:
747
Who:
Turret
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
743
Who:
Turret
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
741
Who:
Defective Turret
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
740
Who:
Wheatley
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
738
Who:
Turret
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
736
Who:
Core 3
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
733
Who:
Core 1
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
732
Who:
Core 3
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
731
Who:
Defective Turret
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
730
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
730
Who:
Wheatley
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
727
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
723
Who:
Core 3
That's horrible.
Listens:
723
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
722
Who:
Turret
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
721
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
721
Who:
Defective Turret
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
720
Who:
Core 3
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
719
Who:
Defective Turret
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 3
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 2
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
714
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't do it.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
711
Who:
Wheatley
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw, come on!
Listens:
707
Who:
Defective Turret
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 3
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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