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Portal 2
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You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 3
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 3
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 2
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
775
Who:
Wheatley
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
774
Who:
Wheatley
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
774
Who:
Defective Turret
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
773
Who:
Wheatley
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
772
Who:
Core 3
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
772
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
772
Who:
Defective Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
769
Who:
Core 3
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
769
Who:
Turret
Wow.
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
766
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
765
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
765
Who:
Defective Turret
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
765
Who:
Turret
Fact not found.
Listens:
761
Who:
Core 3
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
761
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
760
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
759
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
759
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
757
Who:
Wheatley
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
755
Who:
Core 2
Noted.
Listens:
755
Who:
Turret
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
754
Who:
Core 2
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
Firing
Listens:
752
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
751
Who:
Defective Turret
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
746
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
743
Who:
Turret
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
742
Who:
Defective Turret
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
741
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
740
Who:
Wheatley
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
740
Who:
Turret
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
738
Who:
Core 3
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
735
Who:
Core 1
ow.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
735
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
732
Who:
Core 3
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
730
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
727
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
726
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
That's horrible.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
725
Who:
Wheatley
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
725
Who:
Defective Turret
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
723
Who:
GLaDOS
I need backup!
Listens:
723
Who:
Turret
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
720
Who:
Core 3
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
719
Who:
Defective Turret
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
718
Who:
Core 2
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 3
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't do it.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
Aw, come on!
Listens:
707
Who:
Defective Turret
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
706
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
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