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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
983
Who:
Wheatley
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2077
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
4282
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
7013
Who:
Wheatley
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
914
Who:
Wheatley
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1864
Who:
Wheatley
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1920
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
854
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Wheatley
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3394
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Wheatley
Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Listens:
22836
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
What do you think?
Listens:
1387
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1083
Who:
Wheatley
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4938
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
910
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
SPACE!
Listens:
21817
Who:
Wheatley
We're in space!
Listens:
2619
Who:
Wheatley
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1142
Who:
Wheatley
Let go!
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
Let go of me!
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
702
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
3072
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2225
Who:
Wheatley
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1283
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1466
Who:
Wheatley
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2688
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
And off we go.
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1817
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1903
Who:
Wheatley
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
459
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1389
Who:
Wheatley
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1149
Who:
Wheatley
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9095
Who:
Wheatley
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
984
Who:
Wheatley
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
39234
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1319
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1866
Who:
Wheatley
Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2256
Who:
Wheatley
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15761
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
487
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Get in the lift.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
Listens:
386
Who:
Wheatley
The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
5543
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
669
Who:
Wheatley
See that?
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3785
Who:
Wheatley
[laughs]
Listens:
2525
Who:
Wheatley
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7539
Who:
Wheatley
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6191
Who:
Wheatley
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Door?
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
Butterfingers.
Listens:
4025
Who:
Wheatley
Carry on.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
654
Who:
Wheatley
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Might as well give you the tour.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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