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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2750
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1123
Who:
Wheatley
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
24148
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
567
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2533
Who:
Wheatley
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
173071
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21555
Who:
Wheatley
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4251
Who:
Wheatley
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
420
Who:
Wheatley
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2162
Who:
Wheatley
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3272
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2067
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
781
Who:
Wheatley
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5773
Who:
Wheatley
You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
MOVE.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3485
Who:
Wheatley
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2126
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, solve it!
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Sollllve it...
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Go on!
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Finish it...
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
20143
Who:
Wheatley
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5559
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
There. Fixed.
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, get moving.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
934
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
924
Who:
Wheatley
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
516
Who:
Wheatley
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
For your test.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1896
Who:
Wheatley
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1457
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4434
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
969
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1161
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1816
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
18854
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
800
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
682
Who:
Wheatley
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2517
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
1958
Who:
Wheatley
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7666
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1051
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6602
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6288
Who:
Wheatley
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2390
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2416
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
842
Who:
Wheatley
Do not do it!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
841
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
Do not do it!
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press the button!
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
Come back!
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
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