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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2803
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1149
Who:
Wheatley
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
24538
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2574
Who:
Wheatley
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
175233
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1403
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21958
Who:
Wheatley
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4320
Who:
Wheatley
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2226
Who:
Wheatley
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3355
Who:
Wheatley
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2111
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
810
Who:
Wheatley
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5999
Who:
Wheatley
You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
494
Who:
Wheatley
MOVE.
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3554
Who:
Wheatley
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2171
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, solve it!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Sollllve it...
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
Go on!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Finish it...
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
400
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
20543
Who:
Wheatley
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5729
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
There. Fixed.
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, get moving.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
955
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
744
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
959
Who:
Wheatley
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
508
Who:
Wheatley
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
For your test.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1980
Who:
Wheatley
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1478
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4539
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
1057
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1190
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1854
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
723
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19619
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
820
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
669
Who:
Wheatley
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
386
Who:
Wheatley
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
497
Who:
Wheatley
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2632
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
683
Who:
Wheatley
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2077
Who:
Wheatley
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8006
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1091
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
692
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
7047
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6489
Who:
Wheatley
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2475
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2610
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
Do not do it!
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
853
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Do not do it!
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press the button!
Listens:
783
Who:
Wheatley
Come back!
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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