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Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
855
Who:
Announcer
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1025
Who:
Core 1
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1655
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't read.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Ignores directions.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1809
Who:
GLaDOS
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1559
Who:
Wheatley
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
705
Who:
Turret
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4626
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
613
Who:
Core 2
Argumentative.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12601
Who:
Defective Turret
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
[humming]
Listens:
1814
Who:
Core 1
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
782
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
18159
Who:
Core 1
Emotional problems.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 3
I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2836
Who:
Wheatley
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Wet blanket.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10688
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1252
Who:
GLaDOS
Moody.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
670
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1082
Who:
Turret
Oh my god.
Listens:
2686
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1174
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3391
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
26829
Who:
Announcer
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1975
Who:
Core 2
[clap clap]
Listens:
21081
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1835
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7334
Who:
Announcer
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1077
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Moves lips while reading.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3335
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
517
Who:
Wheatley
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1895
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
One moment.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1180
Who:
GLaDOS
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button again.
Listens:
1021
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
854
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1054
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
Listens:
29055
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1918
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2483
Who:
Wheatley
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1698
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, come on!
Listens:
531
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you OK?
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2115
Who:
Caroline
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
33939
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Core 3
Yeah.
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Core 1
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3260
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1002
Who:
Core 1
What do you have there?
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
2431
Who:
Core 1
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5587
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
517
Who:
Defective Turret
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
812
Who:
Wheatley
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
These things happen.
Listens:
3418
Who:
Turret
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2477
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm in space.
Listens:
1840
Who:
Core 1
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12254
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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