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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
2024
Who:
Cave Johnson
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3202
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
What do you have there?
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
GET IN!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
814
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1166
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8772
Who:
Caroline
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2045
Who:
Wheatley
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Enh!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1420
Who:
Core 2
You won't regret this!
Listens:
690
Who:
Defective Turret
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3483
Who:
Turret
We are?
Listens:
693
Who:
Core 1
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1096
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11244
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
3158
Who:
Core 3
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
747
Who:
Defective Turret
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Procrastinator.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact not found.
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 3
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Core 3
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
2015
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10986
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
754
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
566
Who:
Defective Turret
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6958
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
577
Who:
Defective Turret
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Don't do it.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
853
Who:
Core 1
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3672
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
465
Who:
Defective Turret
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well done!
Listens:
667
Who:
Turret
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2465
Who:
Defective Turret
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3981
Who:
Wheatley
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2479
Who:
Core 1
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
2004
Who:
GLaDOS
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
716
Who:
Defective Turret
There it is.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1871
Who:
Cave Johnson
Standing down.
Listens:
412
Who:
Defective Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2216
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
2559
Who:
Defective Turret
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
1014
Who:
Cave Johnson
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
2755
Who:
Announcer
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1055
Who:
Defective Turret
You don't need to do that.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1233
Who:
Core 2
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46080
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1297
Who:
GLaDOS
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
That's not funny.
Listens:
1839
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
20658
Who:
GLaDOS
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2473
Who:
GLaDOS
Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
692
Who:
Wheatley
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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