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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Stay still, please.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
1014
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
866
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 3
Aw, come on!
Listens:
703
Who:
Defective Turret
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
6271
Who:
Turret
Well, you bested me this time.
Listens:
406
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2335
Who:
Defective Turret
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
832
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
751
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry
Listens:
2847
Who:
Turret
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
It's... It's moving up.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2182
Who:
Announcer
We have to get you out of there!
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2697
Who:
Announcer
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1062
Who:
GLaDOS
Arsonist.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1163
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry!
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Announcer
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
10003
Who:
Cave Johnson
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3573
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Wheatley
She was provoking you.
Listens:
834
Who:
Turret
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3552
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
918
Who:
Defective Turret
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
Activated
Listens:
2701
Who:
Turret
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4339
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
653694
Who:
Cave Johnson
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3554
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
770
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Alright.
Listens:
394
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5972
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1082
Who:
Core 1
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
885
Who:
Core 3
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1995
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2744
Who:
Core 1
Failure...
Listens:
1713
Who:
Turret
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1316
Who:
Core 3
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1618
Who:
Defective Turret
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1800
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
691
Who:
Defective Turret
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
23641
Who:
Turret
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
21992
Who:
Core 1
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1306
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1366
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2066
Who:
Cave Johnson
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
11028
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1567
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
667
Who:
GLaDOS
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
532
Who:
Defective Turret
What?
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1204
Who:
Wheatley
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3421
Who:
Turret
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
126402
Who:
Cave Johnson
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1950
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
653
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1708
Who:
Core 2
Hello?
Listens:
2575
Who:
Turret
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
541
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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