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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46983
Who:
GLaDOS
Arsonist.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3384
Who:
Announcer
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1371
Who:
Announcer
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2263
Who:
Defective Turret
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1796
Who:
Wheatley
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
905
Who:
Core 3
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
726
Who:
Core 2
Hello?
Listens:
2990
Who:
Turret
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1323
Who:
Core 3
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
30921
Who:
GLaDOS
Open the door!
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
You did it!
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
4055
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1123
Who:
Wheatley
You're on your own.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1417
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
4036
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1353
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 1
Let go of me!
Listens:
462
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
697
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
780
Who:
Core 3
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Moody.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my.
Listens:
698
Who:
Turret
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
840
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1265
Who:
Wheatley
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1081
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1173
Who:
Turret
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
700
Who:
Wheatley
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2210
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
646
Who:
Core 3
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2225
Who:
Announcer
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
438
Who:
Core 2
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
That is not part of the test.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4047
Who:
Core 1
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2684
Who:
Announcer
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1385
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
This isn't fair!
Listens:
695
Who:
Defective Turret
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
751
Who:
Wheatley
Here I go!
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2053
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
916
Who:
Wheatley
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1251
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1341
Who:
Core 2
The end.
Listens:
1668
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1496
Who:
Caroline
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2431
Who:
Announcer
Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
2160
Who:
Defective Turret
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
19127
Who:
Cave Johnson
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
33124
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2764
Who:
Core 1
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
Listens:
30118
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2130
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
Irritable.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1862
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
931
Who:
GLaDOS
MOVE.
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
Space? SPACE!
Listens:
24910
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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