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Portal 2
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You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
504
Who:
Defective Turret
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
502
Who:
Core 2
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
She did all the work.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
Pfff. I guess.
Listens:
499
Who:
Core 2
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
499
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
MOVE.
Listens:
498
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
498
Who:
Defective Turret
No variances detected.
Listens:
497
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
497
Who:
Defective Turret
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
496
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
494
Who:
Wheatley
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
494
Who:
Defective Turret
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
493
Who:
Core 2
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
GAH!
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Not getting better with age!
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
487
Who:
Defective Turret
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you two doing?
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Lactose intolerant.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you see the portal gun?
Listens:
485
Who:
Wheatley
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
484
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I tried. Best of luck!
Listens:
484
Who:
Defective Turret
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
483
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
479
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
476
Who:
Defective Turret
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
475
Who:
Core 2
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Run!
Listens:
474
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh...
Listens:
474
Who:
Defective Turret
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
474
Who:
Defective Turret
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Do it!
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
469
Who:
Core 2
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
468
Who:
Defective Turret
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
468
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
467
Who:
Defective Turret
I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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