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Portal 2
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Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Listens:
487
Who:
Wheatley
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
486
Who:
Defective Turret
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
485
Who:
Core 2
Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Listens:
484
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
484
Who:
Defective Turret
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Listens:
481
Who:
Wheatley
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
480
Who:
Defective Turret
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
479
Who:
Defective Turret
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
478
Who:
Core 2
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
Try one of those childish gestures.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Think about this.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Come back!
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
474
Who:
Defective Turret
You did it!
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Listens:
471
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
468
Who:
Core 2
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
468
Who:
Core 2
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
466
Who:
Defective Turret
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Well played.
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
462
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, come on!
Listens:
462
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Look down. Who's that, down there, talking? It's me! Down on the floor. Needing you to pick me up.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Procrastinator.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go of me!
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't die in any of those ways.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Emotional problems.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
454
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
453
Who:
Defective Turret
You're doing great!
Listens:
452
Who:
Core 2
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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