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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1399
Who:
Wheatley
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1016
Who:
Core 3
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2965
Who:
Core 3
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
382
Who:
Defective Turret
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 3
Orange
Listens:
724
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7815
Who:
Core 2
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1072
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4893
Who:
Wheatley
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1668
Who:
Wheatley
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Nonononononono!
Listens:
73757
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3492
Who:
Turret
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Unknown error
Listens:
1887
Who:
Turret
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
824
Who:
Core 3
Are you alright?
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5909
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
784
Who:
Core 2
Manipulative.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
2144
Who:
Defective Turret
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25618
Who:
Core 1
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3666
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
1053
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
26800
Who:
Core 2
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1467
Who:
Announcer
[clap clap]
Listens:
21910
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2091
Who:
Turret
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2058
Who:
Wheatley
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
Gah!
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1625
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
906
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
954
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5506
Who:
Core 1
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
48111
Who:
GLaDOS
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
738
Who:
Turret
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3918
Who:
Defective Turret
And...?
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1074
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 3
How you doing down there? You still holding on?
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
846
Who:
Defective Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2046
Who:
Announcer
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3656
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space!
Listens:
1673
Who:
Core 1
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Riggght now.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
This isn't that hard.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5972
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Here I go!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
868
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5197
Who:
Announcer
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4730
Who:
Announcer
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go of me!
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
You did very well.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
50396
Who:
Cave Johnson
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
546
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
849
Who:
Defective Turret
Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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