Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
That's the spirit!
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
3241
Who:
Announcer
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
874
Who:
Core 2
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
4104
Who:
Announcer
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
727
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, careful now.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4847
Who:
Announcer
It burns.
Listens:
2877
Who:
Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
7119
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
740
Who:
Core 1
Nonononononono!
Listens:
74173
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
577
Who:
Defective Turret
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
What about that camera?
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
And that makes 10.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.
Listens:
33857
Who:
Cave Johnson
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3904
Who:
Defective Turret
The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5913
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8679
Who:
Wheatley
She did all the work.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press the button!
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
654
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
56311
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Core 1
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38749
Who:
GLaDOS
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2276
Who:
Wheatley
No sense of humor.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
840
Who:
Wheatley
Let go!
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Standing down.
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
687
Who:
Defective Turret
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1138
Who:
GLaDOS
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1725
Who:
Defective Turret
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4475
Who:
Turret
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
796
Who:
Defective Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5453
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
2468
Who:
Turret
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
9139
Who:
Core 3
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
908
Who:
Core 1
Oh.
Listens:
573
Who:
Defective Turret
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3798
Who:
Wheatley
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
22107
Who:
Core 1
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2365
Who:
Defective Turret
Activated
Listens:
2711
Who:
Turret
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
Incoherent.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
778
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
2575
Who:
Core 1
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Core 3
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Turret
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
647
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1139
Who:
Announcer
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
907
Who:
Defective Turret
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1175
Who:
Wheatley
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Wheatley
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2288
Who:
Defective Turret
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2309
Who:
Wheatley
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 3
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3577
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1050
Who:
Announcer
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2919
Who:
GLaDOS
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Orange receives
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Unknown error
Listens:
1899
Who:
Turret
I was confident you could finish.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Come back!
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
