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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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This is the main breaker room.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7237
Who:
Announcer
Busybody.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
1023
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2011
Who:
Announcer
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7356
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Ha ha ha!
Listens:
379
Who:
Defective Turret
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1566
Who:
Core 3
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2021
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1916
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
647
Who:
Defective Turret
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
914
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Listens:
23583
Who:
Caroline
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3458
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
755
Who:
Turret
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
841
Who:
Wheatley
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, plug me in!
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
973
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
1015
Who:
Core 3
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1207
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm fine!
Listens:
1214
Who:
Turret
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
667
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1144
Who:
Wheatley
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1116
Who:
Wheatley
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4169
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1371
Who:
Defective Turret
Please put me down
Listens:
1370
Who:
Turret
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1292
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
675
Who:
Core 1
Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
585
Who:
Defective Turret
This isn't fair!
Listens:
654
Who:
Defective Turret
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooo?
Listens:
1114
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1197
Who:
Core 1
Where'd you go?
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2421
Who:
Core 3
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
990
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
825
Who:
Core 2
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
538
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1516
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6646
Who:
Wheatley
Moves lips while reading.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4314
Who:
Turret
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1457
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2162
Who:
Wheatley
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh. Almost got you there. Almost got ya there!
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
There's the exit! We're almost out of here!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1621
Who:
Announcer
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah!
Listens:
1650
Who:
Core 1
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
876
Who:
Wheatley
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1605
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Caroline
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
What?
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2409
Who:
Announcer
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Quick, this way!
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1363
Who:
GLaDOS
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1850
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
739
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
112868
Who:
Core 2
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Announcer
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
4092
Who:
Announcer
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1585
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4911
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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