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This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
11040
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1223
Who:
Core 3
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1385
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3784
Who:
Core 2
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
5050
Who:
GLaDOS
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3691
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3523
Who:
Announcer
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Listens:
22697
Who:
Wheatley
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
1033
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1889
Who:
Core 1
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 2
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7983
Who:
GLaDOS
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1391
Who:
Turret
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4016
Who:
Core 1
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
527
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
81144
Who:
Announcer
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1360
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't get over how small you are!
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
456
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
950
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7758
Who:
Turret
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1483
Who:
Wheatley
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1624
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
103613
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Core 1
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Emotional problems.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
GET IN!
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1104
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2068
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is a bad plan. You will fail.
Listens:
1862
Who:
Core 3
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
3081
Who:
Announcer
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
862
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent work.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2634
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1255
Who:
GLaDOS
At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1374
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
987
Who:
GLaDOS
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2561
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2079
Who:
Wheatley
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
2906
Who:
Core 1
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
557
Who:
Core 2
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
889
Who:
Wheatley
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1122
Who:
Turret
Owww!
Listens:
966
Who:
Turret
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
1047
Who:
GLaDOS
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5502
Who:
Core 2
Alarmist.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
574
Who:
Defective Turret
Shutting down
Listens:
13998
Who:
Turret
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space?
Listens:
1048
Who:
Core 1
Where'd you go?
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6560
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4607
Who:
Announcer
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
2081
Who:
Turret
Do not press that button!
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8301
Who:
Announcer
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
474
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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