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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Okay, down those stairs, please?
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
675
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
505
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2833
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
857
Who:
Wheatley
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
940
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
777
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
47187
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1901
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
78145
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
1254
Who:
Turret
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Lawl
Listens:
89966
Who:
Turret
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Wheatley
Don't forget!
Listens:
1022
Who:
Turret
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
746
Who:
Defective Turret
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
799
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
2869
Who:
Announcer
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Core 3
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
994
Who:
GLaDOS
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is penalized
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
663
Who:
Wheatley
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1576
Who:
Announcer
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
193259
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
914
Who:
Defective Turret
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 2
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
1028
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't blame you
Listens:
24567
Who:
Turret
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
487
Who:
Defective Turret
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2482
Who:
Announcer
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
29097
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
4041
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3373
Who:
Announcer
I lied.
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
839
Who:
Turret
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1300
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2070
Who:
Defective Turret
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
1042
Who:
GLaDOS
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
1066
Who:
GLaDOS
We're in space!
Listens:
2621
Who:
Wheatley
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
3150
Who:
Caroline
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
976
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1633
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
927
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
761
Who:
Defective Turret
This place is huge.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1695
Who:
Cave Johnson
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Has irritating opinions.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3752
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1122
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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