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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
769
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
878
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, it hasn't done it.
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1035
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
403
Who:
Defective Turret
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
769
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want this!
Listens:
18108
Who:
Caroline
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
17425
Who:
Core 1
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3106
Who:
Turret
Poor self-esteem.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
637
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1260
Who:
Core 1
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
These things happen.
Listens:
3289
Who:
Turret
Get ready for it!
Listens:
336
Who:
Defective Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
777
Who:
Core 3
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1438
Who:
Announcer
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
743
Who:
Core 2
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1123
Who:
Announcer
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1935
Who:
Announcer
Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3139
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
937
Who:
Core 1
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1165
Who:
Turret
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
3862
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww
Listens:
2835
Who:
Turret
Hello.
Listens:
3900
Who:
Turret
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
19204
Who:
Wheatley
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6440
Who:
Wheatley
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
666
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
536
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey lady.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Core 1
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggggh!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
261
Who:
GLaDOS
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2766
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
546
Who:
Turret
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
773
Who:
Wheatley
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1747
Who:
GLaDOS
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2031
Who:
Caroline
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5171
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
[Laughter]
Listens:
5495
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
Get mad!
Listens:
31843
Who:
Turret
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1560
Who:
Cave Johnson
You both need to do something.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
No variances detected.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3616
Who:
Defective Turret
I know you.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
245
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
452
Who:
Defective Turret
Ugh!
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
16602
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
1132
Who:
Turret
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
67221
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
828
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate.
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
Just get it off me...
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 2
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
954
Who:
Wheatley
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2185
Who:
Announcer
Fears conflict.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
4704
Who:
GLaDOS
One moment.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
945
Who:
Defective Turret
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1407
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
549
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
718
Who:
Defective Turret
There's the exit! We're almost out of here!
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
GET IN!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6422
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
972
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4424
Who:
Wheatley
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