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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8438
Who:
Cave Johnson
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
5061
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1279
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
I made it all up.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 3
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2160
Who:
Caroline
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1496
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
677
Who:
Wheatley
It burns.
Listens:
2864
Who:
Turret
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
830
Who:
Turret
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1361
Who:
Wheatley
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1321
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
1458
Who:
Turret
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
Oh boy.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Core 1
The turret factory should be this way I think.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
988
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey
Listens:
960
Who:
Turret
The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
485
Who:
Defective Turret
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
1086
Who:
Announcer
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1098
Who:
Announcer
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
741
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Announcer
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
831
Who:
Wheatley
Come closer.
Listens:
685
Who:
Turret
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4013
Who:
Core 1
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
1043
Who:
GLaDOS
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
870
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
2144
Who:
Defective Turret
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1405
Who:
GLaDOS
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
951
Who:
Defective Turret
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
743
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2330
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Core 1
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
647
Who:
Defective Turret
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2950
Who:
Wheatley
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
659
Who:
Core 3
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
797
Who:
Wheatley
Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
3128
Who:
Caroline
Hello!
Listens:
2829
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2612
Who:
Core 1
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
884
Who:
Wheatley
Try to make your way back out here!
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4396
Who:
Cave Johnson
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3683
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6708
Who:
Wheatley
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1673
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
1005
Who:
Wheatley
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
765
Who:
Core 3
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5956
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
700
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you win.
Listens:
913
Who:
Turret
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Illegal operation
Listens:
1198
Who:
Turret
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
See you soon!
Listens:
918
Who:
Turret
New template accepted.
Listens:
1424
Who:
Announcer
Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1254
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1598
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget!
Listens:
1011
Who:
Turret
Stop it!
Listens:
5583
Who:
GLaDOS
She is a gem.
Listens:
3087
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
771
Who:
Core 3
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
9103
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, let me get that for you.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3836
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1256
Who:
Wheatley
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