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There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1193
Who:
Cave Johnson
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
693
Who:
Turret
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
3924
Who:
Core 1
This time...
Listens:
518
Who:
Defective Turret
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1939
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
532
Who:
Core 3
SPACE!
Listens:
20992
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
974
Who:
Core 1
Aw, come on!
Listens:
659
Who:
Defective Turret
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1825
Who:
Core 3
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
3063
Who:
Core 1
Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2907
Who:
Core 3
Awwww
Listens:
3023
Who:
Turret
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
Pfff. I guess.
Listens:
454
Who:
Core 2
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1927
Who:
Announcer
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34002
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1021
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7550
Who:
Announcer
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1288
Who:
Core 2
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
981
Who:
Announcer
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3301
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1323
Who:
GLaDOS
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
717
Who:
Core 3
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1411
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
2215
Who:
Turret
Hey.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 1
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
27076
Who:
Announcer
Argumentative.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
855
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
567
Who:
Defective Turret
The escape lift. Just there. Come on.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately.
Listens:
940
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
782
Who:
GLaDOS
Owww!
Listens:
937
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2179
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on in there?
Listens:
265
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
747
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1217
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1004
Who:
Wheatley
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
924
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
700
Who:
Core 3
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2984
Who:
Core 1
Ah, come on!
Listens:
437
Who:
Defective Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
827
Who:
Core 3
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
714
Who:
Turret
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
435
Who:
Defective Turret
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Come to gloat?
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3820
Who:
Core 2
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
The other? Well...
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1119
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
827
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2189
Who:
Announcer
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
783
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1987
Who:
Core 3
Come closer.
Listens:
669
Who:
Turret
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
103393
Who:
Wheatley
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 2
Histrionic.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
I see you
Listens:
2837
Who:
Turret
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2430
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4394
Who:
Announcer
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
642
Who:
Core 1
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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