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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
650276
Who:
Cave Johnson
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Target lost
Listens:
3879
Who:
Turret
Um, hello?
Listens:
1387
Who:
Turret
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8649
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
487
Who:
Defective Turret
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1847
Who:
Announcer
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1449
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now you're just not thinking.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Never listens.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21555
Who:
Wheatley
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1615
Who:
Cave Johnson
Deploying
Listens:
3034
Who:
Turret
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2439
Who:
Caroline
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
46418
Who:
GLaDOS
The other? Well...
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1247
Who:
Turret
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2106
Who:
Announcer
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
3258
Who:
Defective Turret
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Lacks charisma.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhoh
Listens:
951
Who:
Turret
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
133801
Who:
GLaDOS
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
805
Who:
Core 1
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
814
Who:
Turret
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9746
Who:
Cave Johnson
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2934
Who:
Core 3
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1290
Who:
Announcer
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
738
Who:
GLaDOS
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6895
Who:
Defective Turret
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww
Listens:
3068
Who:
Turret
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
867
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1184
Who:
Wheatley
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
21833
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4438
Who:
GLaDOS
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
946
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
733
Who:
Core 3
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5058
Who:
Turret
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1399
Who:
Announcer
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1583
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5024
Who:
Announcer
clickclickclick
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
856
Who:
Wheatley
Blue
Listens:
1780
Who:
GLaDOS
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
442
Who:
Wheatley
What do you have there?
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
She was provoking you.
Listens:
826
Who:
Turret
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1433
Who:
Wheatley
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
Standing down.
Listens:
394
Who:
Defective Turret
Irritable.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1990
Who:
Cave Johnson
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1084
Who:
Defective Turret
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
23566
Who:
GLaDOS
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
28485
Who:
GLaDOS
Is that camera is hooked into the lock?
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1252
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
12584
Who:
Turret
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
874
Who:
Defective Turret
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1067
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2296
Who:
GLaDOS
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1244
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2568
Who:
GLaDOS
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
899
Who:
Turret
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
758
Who:
Wheatley
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
871
Who:
Defective Turret
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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