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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Wheatley
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2657
Who:
Turret
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2368
Who:
Core 2
Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8747
Who:
Turret
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8315
Who:
Announcer
I don't blame you
Listens:
24518
Who:
Turret
Agggh...
Listens:
498
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you reach that wall back there?
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
1012
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1111
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1571
Who:
GLaDOS
Moody.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
five
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
632
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1418
Who:
Wheatley
I want to be plugged in, please!
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3150
Who:
Caroline
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1498
Who:
Cave Johnson
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
840
Who:
Core 3
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2120
Who:
Announcer
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1101
Who:
Cave Johnson
Orange
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
514
Who:
Defective Turret
But that was worth it.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4245
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1889
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are, reassembled again.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
973
Who:
Announcer
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5514
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
13730
Who:
Turret
We have to get you out of that room!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3779
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2619
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
992
Who:
Defective Turret
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
21277
Who:
Announcer
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1302
Who:
Wheatley
Charmless.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Hm. Let's try this way.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
19474
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3846
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Core 1
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Core 1
Target acquired.
Listens:
9908
Who:
Turret
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4883
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
685
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1003
Who:
Core 1
Dang.
Listens:
590
Who:
Defective Turret
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
672
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
509
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1233
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pick--would you pick me up?
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
What about that camera?
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
Timid.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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