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Portal 2
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Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1332
Who:
Defective Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2723
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1521
Who:
Wheatley
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Never listens.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2163
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10765
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
865
Who:
Wheatley
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1332
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding.
Listens:
831
Who:
GLaDOS
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1172
Who:
Core 2
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Do it!
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1196
Who:
Wheatley
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Dull expression.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
880
Who:
Announcer
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
7561
Who:
Announcer
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
366
Who:
Defective Turret
Chronically late.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3369
Who:
Core 1
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10800
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
794
Who:
Defective Turret
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
2990
Who:
Announcer
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1817
Who:
Wheatley
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5087
Who:
Announcer
You only failed
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1208
Who:
Defective Turret
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1579
Who:
Cave Johnson
What'd I hit?
Listens:
364
Who:
Defective Turret
Well played.
Listens:
414
Who:
Defective Turret
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
734
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
Oh shut up!
Listens:
1637
Who:
Core 2
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4042
Who:
Wheatley
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1035
Who:
GLaDOS
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
GAH!
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
three
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3460
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming through!
Listens:
2009
Who:
Turret
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
407
Who:
Core 2
Canvassing
Listens:
594
Who:
Turret
Hooray!
Listens:
4915
Who:
Turret
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Is that camera is hooked into the lock?
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
966
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
530
Who:
Core 2
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Please go to space.
Listens:
973
Who:
Core 1
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1417
Who:
GLaDOS
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
960
Who:
GLaDOS
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
19874
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1149
Who:
GLaDOS
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
470
Who:
Wheatley
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
805
Who:
Wheatley
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
985
Who:
Core 1
Goodnight
Listens:
5764
Who:
Turret
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
855
Who:
Defective Turret
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1075
Who:
Announcer
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2129
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
877
Who:
Wheatley
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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