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Portal 2
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ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
827
Who:
Core 3
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
175415
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
1239
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Announcer
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2115
Who:
Turret
I never liked her.
Listens:
910
Who:
Turret
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2509
Who:
Turret
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
519
Who:
Core 2
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
I see you
Listens:
2951
Who:
Turret
Hey hey! You made it!
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1625
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1558
Who:
Core 1
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
951
Who:
Turret
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3232
Who:
Cave Johnson
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
7168
Who:
Wheatley
Narcissist.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4244
Who:
Wheatley
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3389
Who:
Core 1
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2310
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1383
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
770
Who:
Wheatley
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1291
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
3061
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you understand what I'm saying? Just tell me 'Yes'.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
640
Who:
Core 2
Hey lady.
Listens:
1515
Who:
Core 1
ow.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
993
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
3139
Who:
Caroline
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1011
Who:
Defective Turret
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
736
Who:
Core 3
Just turn around.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
3550
Who:
GLaDOS
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2256
Who:
Defective Turret
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1342
Who:
Announcer
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2115
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
371
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks!
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2827
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Announcer
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 2
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Defective Turret
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Listens:
28670
Who:
Wheatley
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1455
Who:
Core 1
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
912
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
952
Who:
Wheatley
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue?
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
893
Who:
Core 3
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
898
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
How was that?
Listens:
380
Who:
Defective Turret
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4321
Who:
Wheatley
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2793
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2612
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
1024
Who:
Core 1
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Firing
Listens:
747
Who:
Turret
You win.
Listens:
1356
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Dang!
Listens:
562
Who:
Defective Turret
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
769
Who:
Turret
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1170
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
That's not funny.
Listens:
1858
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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