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Portal 2
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Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 3
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
Irritable.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2512
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1245
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18560
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1144
Who:
Cave Johnson
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
590
Who:
Core 3
Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
87137
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1633
Who:
Core 3
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Announcer
Never on time.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
MOVE.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2088
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
942
Who:
Wheatley
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
806
Who:
Core 3
Do not press that button!
Listens:
851
Who:
Wheatley
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Always cold.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So...
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21915
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2492
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue receives
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Listens:
481
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks!
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
11028
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2979
Who:
Announcer
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2210
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
478
Who:
Core 2
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3554
Who:
GLaDOS
The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not, though.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3899
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1635
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20937
Who:
Defective Turret
If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1888
Who:
Core 1
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
486
Who:
Defective Turret
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
54338
Who:
GLaDOS
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
495
Who:
GLaDOS
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
840
Who:
Defective Turret
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4195
Who:
Wheatley
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1215
Who:
Turret
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2158
Who:
Wheatley
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4426
Who:
GLaDOS
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
174994
Who:
Wheatley
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1647
Who:
Cave Johnson
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1174
Who:
Turret
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
744
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4338
Who:
Turret
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3931
Who:
Turret
Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
828
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Hey!
Listens:
856
Who:
Turret
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3973
Who:
Wheatley
Probably.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
Lactose intolerant.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1089
Who:
Defective Turret
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3354
Who:
Announcer
clickclickclick
Listens:
546
Who:
Defective Turret
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
Noted.
Listens:
752
Who:
Turret
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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