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Portal 2
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But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
900
Who:
Wheatley
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2602
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
86887
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2812
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, it hasn't done it.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1410
Who:
Turret
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
What are you two doing?
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, safe travels, there.
Listens:
394
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1096
Who:
GLaDOS
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2216
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, stand back, everybody.
Listens:
431
Who:
Defective Turret
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
891
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
796
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
572
Who:
GLaDOS
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1281
Who:
Turret
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1945
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
2899
Who:
Core 1
Uh oh.
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Core 1
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
3998
Who:
Core 1
Yeah! Ha ha ha!
Listens:
410
Who:
Defective Turret
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8707
Who:
Turret
Oh no...
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1630
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1634
Who:
GLaDOS
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Listens:
18876
Who:
Wheatley
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1018
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 2
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
643
Who:
Core 3
The end?
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 2
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4966
Who:
Cave Johnson
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
805
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't forget!
Listens:
1009
Who:
Turret
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1888
Who:
Wheatley
I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6699
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
1003
Who:
Wheatley
My fault
Listens:
1286
Who:
Turret
Old.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop it!
Listens:
5555
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
576
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again!
Listens:
985
Who:
Defective Turret
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1808
Who:
Core 3
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Turret
Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
8719
Who:
Announcer
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
563
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1583
Who:
GLaDOS
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
696
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
OW!
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3723
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.
Listens:
27618
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep moving! Just keep moving!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 3
Oh no...
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Okay...
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
688
Who:
Core 2
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
499
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey
Listens:
947
Who:
Turret
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2183
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
748
Who:
Defective Turret
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotcha!
Listens:
2287
Who:
Turret
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
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