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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1395
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
1392
Who:
Caroline
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1392
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1390
Who:
Core 3
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1390
Who:
Turret
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1389
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1389
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1388
Who:
Announcer
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1382
Who:
Core 3
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1382
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1379
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1377
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1373
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir!
Listens:
1371
Who:
Caroline
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1370
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1368
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Wheatley
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1366
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1364
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1361
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1359
Who:
Turret
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1357
Who:
Core 2
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1357
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Defective Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1354
Who:
Announcer
Oh!
Listens:
1352
Who:
Turret
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1350
Who:
Core 1
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Core 1
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1348
Who:
Announcer
Space!
Listens:
1347
Who:
Core 1
You win.
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1340
Who:
Announcer
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1336
Who:
Core 3
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1336
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1334
Who:
Announcer
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1334
Who:
Announcer
I'm done.
Listens:
1331
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1328
Who:
Core 2
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1321
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1318
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1316
Who:
Core 3
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1315
Who:
GLaDOS
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
1315
Who:
Wheatley
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1312
Who:
Core 3
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1310
Who:
Core 1
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1310
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1309
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1306
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1306
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1303
Who:
Core 1
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1302
Who:
Wheatley
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1296
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1295
Who:
Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1294
Who:
Announcer
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1292
Who:
Announcer
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1289
Who:
Wheatley
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1289
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1285
Who:
Turret
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1284
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1283
Who:
Cave Johnson
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1283
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1280
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1280
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1279
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1277
Who:
Defective Turret
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1272
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1271
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1268
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Core 3
Remember that!
Listens:
1267
Who:
Turret
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1263
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1262
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1259
Who:
Core 1
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1258
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1256
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1254
Who:
Cave Johnson
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1253
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1250
Who:
Core 1
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1250
Who:
Core 3
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1249
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
1246
Who:
Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1245
Who:
Cave Johnson
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1245
Who:
Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Core 2
I'm fine!
Listens:
1239
Who:
Turret
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1238
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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