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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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AHH!
Listens:
1426
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1425
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1425
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Wheatley
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1417
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1417
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1417
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1414
Who:
Announcer
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1412
Who:
Core 2
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1409
Who:
Wheatley
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1407
Who:
Core 3
I am!
Listens:
1406
Who:
Caroline
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1405
Who:
GLaDOS
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1404
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1402
Who:
Defective Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1402
Who:
Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1399
Who:
Announcer
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1399
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1395
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1394
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1393
Who:
Core 1
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1390
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1389
Who:
Turret
You win.
Listens:
1388
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1387
Who:
Defective Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Announcer
Sir!
Listens:
1379
Who:
Caroline
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1378
Who:
GLaDOS
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1378
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1378
Who:
Wheatley
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1376
Who:
Core 1
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1375
Who:
Announcer
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1375
Who:
Defective Turret
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1374
Who:
Defective Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1372
Who:
Announcer
Oh!
Listens:
1372
Who:
Turret
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1371
Who:
Announcer
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1368
Who:
Announcer
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1363
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1356
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1355
Who:
Core 1
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1354
Who:
Wheatley
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Core 3
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1345
Who:
Core 2
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1344
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1344
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1335
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1333
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1330
Who:
Core 3
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1329
Who:
Cave Johnson
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1328
Who:
Core 3
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1326
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1323
Who:
Turret
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1320
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1320
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1319
Who:
Wheatley
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1318
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Core 1
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1315
Who:
Core 1
Space...
Listens:
1314
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1313
Who:
Wheatley
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1309
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Cave Johnson
My fault
Listens:
1304
Who:
Turret
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1301
Who:
Turret
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1295
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1295
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1294
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1294
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1289
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1289
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1286
Who:
Core 3
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1286
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1285
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1284
Who:
Core 1
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1284
Who:
Defective Turret
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1281
Who:
Defective Turret
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1279
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1279
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
1277
Who:
Turret
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1275
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1274
Who:
Wheatley
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1273
Who:
Defective Turret
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1272
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
1267
Who:
Turret
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1261
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1261
Who:
Turret
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1260
Who:
Core 3
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1259
Who:
Core 1
Crap!
Listens:
1257
Who:
Defective Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1255
Who:
Cave Johnson
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1255
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
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