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Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1404
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1404
Who:
Wheatley
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1403
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1401
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1399
Who:
GLaDOS
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1397
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Announcer
I am!
Listens:
1396
Who:
Caroline
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1395
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1391
Who:
Core 3
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1391
Who:
Wheatley
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1391
Who:
Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1388
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1387
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1383
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1379
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir!
Listens:
1374
Who:
Caroline
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1374
Who:
Defective Turret
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
1373
Who:
Wheatley
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1371
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1370
Who:
Wheatley
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1368
Who:
Core 1
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1367
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1366
Who:
Core 2
Hello?
Listens:
1366
Who:
Turret
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1362
Who:
Announcer
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1362
Who:
Defective Turret
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1359
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
1358
Who:
Turret
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1357
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1356
Who:
GLaDOS
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1354
Who:
Announcer
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1352
Who:
Core 1
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Announcer
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Defective Turret
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1348
Who:
Core 1
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1344
Who:
Announcer
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1344
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1342
Who:
Announcer
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Announcer
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Core 3
I'm done.
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1334
Who:
Core 2
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1326
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1324
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1323
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1322
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1318
Who:
Core 3
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1314
Who:
Core 3
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1314
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1313
Who:
Cave Johnson
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1313
Who:
Wheatley
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1311
Who:
Core 1
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1306
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1306
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1305
Who:
Core 1
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1302
Who:
Wheatley
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
My fault
Listens:
1299
Who:
Turret
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1298
Who:
Announcer
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1296
Who:
Turret
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1294
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1291
Who:
Cave Johnson
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1291
Who:
Turret
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1290
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1290
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1284
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1283
Who:
Wheatley
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1282
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1281
Who:
Defective Turret
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1280
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1279
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1276
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1275
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Defective Turret
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Core 3
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1269
Who:
Wheatley
Remember that!
Listens:
1269
Who:
Turret
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Core 1
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1265
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1262
Who:
Wheatley
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1261
Who:
Wheatley
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1257
Who:
Core 3
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1256
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1255
Who:
Core 1
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1255
Who:
Wheatley
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1250
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1249
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm fine!
Listens:
1249
Who:
Turret
Please stop.
Listens:
1246
Who:
Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
1246
Who:
Turret
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1244
Who:
Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Core 2
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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