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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1387
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
1386
Who:
Caroline
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Announcer
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1383
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1383
Who:
GLaDOS
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1382
Who:
Turret
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1380
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1380
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1376
Who:
Core 3
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1376
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1376
Who:
Wheatley
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1375
Who:
Core 3
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1373
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir!
Listens:
1371
Who:
Caroline
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1371
Who:
Defective Turret
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1362
Who:
GLaDOS
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1361
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1360
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1359
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1354
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1354
Who:
Turret
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1352
Who:
Core 2
ahhhhEHHHHHH!
Listens:
1351
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Defective Turret
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1348
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh!
Listens:
1347
Who:
Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Announcer
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Core 1
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1345
Who:
Core 1
Space!
Listens:
1344
Who:
Core 1
By completing all test courses, you have achieved Level C security clearance. You may now access all testing courses and three of Aperture Science's 176 restrooms.
Listens:
1341
Who:
Announcer
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1340
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1340
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1335
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1334
Who:
Core 3
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1331
Who:
Announcer
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1328
Who:
Announcer
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1327
Who:
Announcer
I'm done.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1325
Who:
Core 2
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1324
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1322
Who:
GLaDOS
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1312
Who:
GLaDOS
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1310
Who:
Core 3
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1308
Who:
Core 1
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1304
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1301
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1301
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1299
Who:
Cave Johnson
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Core 3
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Wheatley
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1298
Who:
Core 1
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1297
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1292
Who:
GLaDOS
My fault
Listens:
1286
Who:
Turret
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1284
Who:
Announcer
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1283
Who:
Turret
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1282
Who:
Announcer
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1281
Who:
Turret
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1277
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Cave Johnson
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1275
Who:
Defective Turret
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1273
Who:
Defective Turret
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1271
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1269
Who:
GLaDOS
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1268
Who:
Defective Turret
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1266
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1265
Who:
GLaDOS
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Core 3
Remember that!
Listens:
1261
Who:
Turret
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1259
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1258
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1257
Who:
Core 1
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1257
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1257
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Here we go...
Listens:
1251
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1248
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1247
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1247
Who:
Core 1
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1244
Who:
Core 3
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Turret
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
1242
Who:
Turret
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1241
Who:
GLaDOS
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Turret
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1239
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1235
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1233
Who:
Core 2
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
1229
Who:
Turret
Crap!
Listens:
1228
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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