Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2782
Who:
Wheatley
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
5919
Who:
Turret
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1616
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2329
Who:
GLaDOS
That isn't science.
Listens:
2618
Who:
GLaDOS
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
714
Who:
Core 3
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5658
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you two doing?
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
5211
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1376
Who:
Core 3
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4051
Who:
GLaDOS
Problems with authority.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Owww!
Listens:
956
Who:
Turret
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
659
Who:
Defective Turret
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1055
Who:
Core 1
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6444
Who:
Cave Johnson
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Try one of those childish gestures.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3672
Who:
GLaDOS
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
996
Who:
Wheatley
Back again!
Listens:
985
Who:
Defective Turret
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2248
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1233
Who:
Core 2
I swear I know him...
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
50145
Who:
Cave Johnson
Moody.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3322
Who:
Wheatley
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Core 3
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Right behind me.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2514
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5565
Who:
Core 1
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
21919
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1435
Who:
Caroline
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Just as mementos, though...
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1971
Who:
Core 1
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1964
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
103112
Who:
Core 1
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
1037
Who:
Wheatley
Good luck!
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Core 1
You're better than that.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
77423
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2451
Who:
Wheatley
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
975
Who:
Core 2
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4324
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1947
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1658
Who:
Announcer
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
770
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
867
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
573
Who:
Core 2
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5823
Who:
Core 3
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1992
Who:
GLaDOS
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
Now you're just not thinking.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3646
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 3
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1248
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5888
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Core 1
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
29946
Who:
GLaDOS
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
777
Who:
Wheatley
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Core 3
The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!