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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
11179
Who:
GLaDOS
Unconstructive.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1016
Who:
Core 3
I need backup!
Listens:
716
Who:
Turret
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
I can only imagine.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh boy.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Core 1
Hello?
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
3057
Who:
Announcer
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
3498
Who:
GLaDOS
Hibernating
Listens:
899
Who:
Turret
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
838
Who:
Defective Turret
Lacks confidence.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8390
Who:
Cave Johnson
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
800
Who:
Defective Turret
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Announcer
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1474
Who:
Wheatley
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1299
Who:
Core 3
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh...
Listens:
495
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
I made it all up.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2514
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Can I help you?
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
Sorry.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7436
Who:
GLaDOS
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Dispensing product
Listens:
1656
Who:
Turret
Come closer.
Listens:
685
Who:
Turret
Blue
Listens:
1803
Who:
GLaDOS
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2475
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
765
Who:
Core 3
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2157
Who:
Caroline
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Antagonistic. I don't know about that.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
How was that?
Listens:
379
Who:
Defective Turret
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3342
Who:
Announcer
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Uhoh
Listens:
966
Who:
Turret
I'm kidding.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1419
Who:
Caroline
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18754
Who:
Core 1
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1904
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3483
Who:
Turret
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1527
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3138
Who:
Caroline
Turret redemption lines are not rides, please exit the turret redemption line.
Listens:
1282
Who:
Announcer
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
3013
Who:
Core 1
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
996
Who:
Wheatley
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Listens:
28496
Who:
Wheatley
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3202
Who:
Wheatley
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2981
Who:
Cave Johnson
AH!
Listens:
558
Who:
Wheatley
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18523
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw, come on!
Listens:
700
Who:
Defective Turret
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1609
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1616
Who:
Defective Turret
five
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
Please go to space.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 1
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
3061
Who:
Announcer
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 2
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1570
Who:
Core 1
Excuse me?
Listens:
863
Who:
Turret
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
2023
Who:
Core 3
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
No can do.
Listens:
370
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
649
Who:
Core 1
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
28896
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
2540
Who:
Core 1
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
19152
Who:
Cave Johnson
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