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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5404
Who:
GLaDOS
Template
Listens:
3173
Who:
Announcer
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1851
Who:
GLaDOS
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2183
Who:
Cave Johnson
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
46528
Who:
GLaDOS
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3327
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4813
Who:
Cave Johnson
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
3352
Who:
Core 2
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair.
Listens:
1037
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7600
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing great!
Listens:
451
Who:
Core 2
I can only imagine.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5658
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
968
Who:
Announcer
Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
705
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
748
Who:
Defective Turret
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
1033
Who:
Core 1
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1068
Who:
Wheatley
Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1138
Who:
Wheatley
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1380
Who:
Wheatley
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2296
Who:
Announcer
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you testing me?
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4469
Who:
Defective Turret
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
2004
Who:
Wheatley
Never completes work.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
18829
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hi there!
Listens:
2141
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Response
Listens:
2826
Who:
Announcer
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1482
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3877
Who:
Cave Johnson
There.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1993
Who:
GLaDOS
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
1006
Who:
Cave Johnson
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
711
Who:
Core 3
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8707
Who:
Turret
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
No can do.
Listens:
370
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
2082
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
942
Who:
Turret
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 3
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Was that necessary?
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1417
Who:
Defective Turret
Goodbye
Listens:
8604
Who:
Turret
Space...
Listens:
7462
Who:
Core 1
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
968
Who:
Announcer
It won't.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2369
Who:
Announcer
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1103
Who:
GLaDOS
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1292
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5717
Who:
Core 2
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, careful now.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
748
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2603
Who:
Announcer
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
970
Who:
Turret
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43135
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button!
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1849
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
29362
Who:
GLaDOS
Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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