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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7796
Who:
Core 2
I love space.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 1
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
731
Who:
Turret
This is the main breaker room.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Agghh!
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5820
Who:
Announcer
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Manipulative.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1271
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
1055
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5658
Who:
Cave Johnson
There you are! I was starting to get worried.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7775
Who:
GLaDOS
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Orange receives
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
1067
Who:
Turret
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
100949
Who:
Defective Turret
What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2767
Who:
Core 1
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
I can't hold on! Come on!
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Might as well give you the tour.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2591
Who:
Cave Johnson
Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you.
Listens:
987
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1844
Who:
Wheatley
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
643
Who:
Core 3
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
767
Who:
Core 3
And...?
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5149
Who:
Announcer
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
381
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye
Listens:
8602
Who:
Turret
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2987
Who:
Turret
Target aquired.
Listens:
2311
Who:
Turret
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2052
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
939
Who:
Wheatley
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2595
Who:
Core 1
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
407
Who:
Defective Turret
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
That's horrible.
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6148
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5824
Who:
Core 3
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
1039
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1475
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6389
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3932
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1589
Who:
Announcer
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2944
Who:
Wheatley
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1036
Who:
Wheatley
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
214082
Who:
Core 1
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1940
Who:
Caroline
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
414
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
898
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Wheatley
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1965
Who:
Cave Johnson
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
Ooagh!
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
I swear I know him...
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4568
Who:
Announcer
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Turrets!
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
965
Who:
Wheatley
No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
1008
Who:
Cave Johnson
NO!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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