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Portal 2
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Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
873
Who:
Defective Turret
Searching
Listens:
873
Who:
Turret
Excuse me?
Listens:
872
Who:
Turret
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
871
Who:
Core 2
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
868
Who:
Core 3
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
868
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
868
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey!
Listens:
864
Who:
Turret
Well, I tried.
Listens:
863
Who:
Defective Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
863
Who:
Turret
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
857
Who:
Core 1
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
857
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
856
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
854
Who:
Wheatley
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
854
Who:
Defective Turret
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
853
Who:
Core 3
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
853
Who:
Wheatley
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
852
Who:
Wheatley
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 1
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
847
Who:
Wheatley
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
843
Who:
GLaDOS
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
843
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 1
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 3
Oops.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
840
Who:
Core 3
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
840
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
837
Who:
Turret
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
832
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
831
Who:
Wheatley
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
831
Who:
Turret
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
830
Who:
Defective Turret
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
828
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
828
Who:
Core 3
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
827
Who:
Core 3
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
827
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
Core transfer?
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
822
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
821
Who:
Wheatley
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 2
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
One
Listens:
815
Who:
GLaDOS
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
812
Who:
Defective Turret
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
811
Who:
Core 3
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
811
Who:
Core 3
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
811
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 1
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
808
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
807
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
OW.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
I lied.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
800
Who:
Defective Turret
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
797
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
796
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
792
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
788
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 2
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
784
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
783
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 3
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
Briefly.
Listens:
780
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
780
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
780
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
779
Who:
GLaDOS
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 3
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
776
Who:
Defective Turret
Good shot!
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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