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Portal 2
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I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
882
Who:
Turret
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
880
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
880
Who:
Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 3
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
879
Who:
Defective Turret
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
878
Who:
Core 2
Hey!
Listens:
877
Who:
Turret
Well, I tried.
Listens:
875
Who:
Defective Turret
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
872
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
870
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
870
Who:
Turret
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
869
Who:
Wheatley
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
866
Who:
Core 3
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
865
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
865
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
861
Who:
Wheatley
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
861
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
860
Who:
Core 1
Do not press that button!
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
858
Who:
Core 1
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
853
Who:
Wheatley
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops.
Listens:
851
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
850
Who:
Core 3
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
850
Who:
Wheatley
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
850
Who:
Defective Turret
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
849
Who:
Core 3
Lady.
Listens:
848
Who:
Core 1
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
844
Who:
Wheatley
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
842
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
841
Who:
Turret
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
839
Who:
Defective Turret
Core transfer?
Listens:
838
Who:
GLaDOS
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
837
Who:
Core 3
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
837
Who:
Turret
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
835
Who:
Core 3
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
835
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
835
Who:
GLaDOS
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
834
Who:
Core 3
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
830
Who:
Core 2
Hello!
Listens:
830
Who:
Wheatley
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
829
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
828
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
827
Who:
GLaDOS
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
827
Who:
Wheatley
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
826
Who:
Wheatley
Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
825
Who:
Wheatley
One
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
821
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
819
Who:
Core 1
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
819
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
818
Who:
Defective Turret
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
816
Who:
Core 3
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
816
Who:
Core 3
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
816
Who:
Wheatley
OW.
Listens:
816
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 3
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
813
Who:
Wheatley
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
812
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
809
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
807
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
807
Who:
Wheatley
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
806
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
805
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
804
Who:
GLaDOS
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
804
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
804
Who:
Wheatley
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
803
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
800
Who:
Defective Turret
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
798
Who:
Defective Turret
You messed with the wrong woman!
Listens:
797
Who:
Core 2
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
797
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press the button!
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
790
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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