Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2354
Who:
Turret
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2350
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2337
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2335
Who:
Core 1
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2323
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2320
Who:
Defective Turret
There you are
Listens:
2314
Who:
Turret
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2310
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2309
Who:
Caroline
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2309
Who:
Wheatley
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2308
Who:
Turret
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2302
Who:
Announcer
[laughs]
Listens:
2291
Who:
Wheatley
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2283
Who:
Core 3
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2282
Who:
Core 3
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2278
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2269
Who:
Turret
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2261
Who:
Cave Johnson
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2261
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2250
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
2249
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2235
Who:
Announcer
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2235
Who:
Core 2
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2233
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2207
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2201
Who:
GLaDOS
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2197
Who:
Core 3
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2190
Who:
Announcer
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2185
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2178
Who:
Core 1
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2174
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2169
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2163
Who:
Core 2
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2152
Who:
GLaDOS
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2152
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2150
Who:
Wheatley
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2149
Who:
Defective Turret
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2138
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2134
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotcha!
Listens:
2129
Who:
Turret
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2128
Who:
Announcer
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2123
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2122
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2104
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
2104
Who:
Turret
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2103
Who:
Core 2
Target aquired.
Listens:
2100
Who:
Turret
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2099
Who:
Defective Turret
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2092
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2091
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2083
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2075
Who:
GLaDOS
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2075
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2068
Who:
Announcer
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2066
Who:
GLaDOS
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2046
Who:
Caroline
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2042
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2038
Who:
Announcer
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2033
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2033
Who:
Wheatley
Whee!
Listens:
2029
Who:
Turret
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2020
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2017
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2009
Who:
Core 1
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2007
Who:
Announcer
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2007
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2006
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2001
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
1989
Who:
Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
1980
Who:
Turret
Hi there!
Listens:
1975
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
1971
Who:
Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1969
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me
Listens:
1968
Who:
Turret
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1949
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1946
Who:
Core 3
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
1946
Who:
Turret
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1943
Who:
Announcer
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1943
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1942
Who:
Core 2
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
1942
Who:
Defective Turret
This is not good.
Listens:
1935
Who:
Turret
We're back!
Listens:
1934
Who:
Defective Turret
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1933
Who:
Core 3
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1933
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1931
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming through!
Listens:
1927
Who:
Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
1918
Who:
Turret
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1917
Who:
Cave Johnson
There you are
Listens:
1916
Who:
Turret
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1900
Who:
Wheatley
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
1891
Who:
Announcer
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1884
Who:
GLaDOS
NO.
Listens:
1875
Who:
GLaDOS
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1871
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1870
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1866
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1856
Who:
Announcer
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1855
Who:
GLaDOS
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1851
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
