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Portal 2
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Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2492
Who:
Core 3
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2479
Who:
Turret
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2462
Who:
Turret
I'm in space.
Listens:
2457
Who:
Core 1
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2455
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2453
Who:
GLaDOS
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2446
Who:
GLaDOS
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2443
Who:
Cave Johnson
There you are
Listens:
2434
Who:
Turret
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2429
Who:
Defective Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
2427
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2423
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2413
Who:
Announcer
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2411
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2402
Who:
Core 1
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2399
Who:
Caroline
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2394
Who:
Core 3
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2389
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2382
Who:
Cave Johnson
Why?
Listens:
2382
Who:
Turret
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2372
Who:
GLaDOS
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2367
Who:
Announcer
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2361
Who:
GLaDOS
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2358
Who:
Core 3
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2339
Who:
Wheatley
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2325
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2316
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2314
Who:
Wheatley
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2308
Who:
Core 2
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2304
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2300
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2291
Who:
Core 3
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2288
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2285
Who:
Announcer
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2285
Who:
GLaDOS
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2283
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2279
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2277
Who:
Core 1
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2275
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2269
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2262
Who:
Core 2
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2254
Who:
Announcer
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2252
Who:
Core 1
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2242
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2238
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
2234
Who:
Turret
Gotcha!
Listens:
2225
Who:
Turret
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2218
Who:
Announcer
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2216
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2216
Who:
Turret
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2210
Who:
Wheatley
Whee!
Listens:
2206
Who:
Turret
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2204
Who:
Defective Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2195
Who:
Wheatley
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2190
Who:
Core 3
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2188
Who:
GLaDOS
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2186
Who:
Wheatley
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2180
Who:
Announcer
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2164
Who:
GLaDOS
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2163
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2156
Who:
Defective Turret
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2154
Who:
Core 2
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2143
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2128
Who:
Caroline
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2125
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2120
Who:
Core 1
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2120
Who:
Wheatley
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2111
Who:
Announcer
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2111
Who:
Wheatley
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2096
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hi there!
Listens:
2092
Who:
Defective Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2086
Who:
Wheatley
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2080
Who:
Turret
Ahahaha
Listens:
2080
Who:
Turret
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2062
Who:
Turret
Excuse me
Listens:
2059
Who:
Turret
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2052
Who:
Announcer
This is not good.
Listens:
2051
Who:
Turret
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2047
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2046
Who:
Wheatley
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2039
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
2037
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2032
Who:
Turret
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2029
Who:
Defective Turret
There you are
Listens:
2028
Who:
Turret
Coming through!
Listens:
2024
Who:
Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
2023
Who:
Turret
NO.
Listens:
2022
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
2015
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2013
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2012
Who:
Core 3
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2006
Who:
Core 2
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1997
Who:
Core 3
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1993
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1992
Who:
Cave Johnson
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1991
Who:
Cave Johnson
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1973
Who:
Announcer
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1968
Who:
Wheatley
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1961
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
1960
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
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