Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Crap.
Listens:
2615
Who:
Defective Turret
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2613
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2608
Who:
Core 3
Hello?
Listens:
2607
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2604
Who:
Announcer
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2597
Who:
Wheatley
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2591
Who:
Core 3
I'm in space.
Listens:
2584
Who:
Core 1
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2568
Who:
Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
2566
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2564
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2549
Who:
Turret
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2536
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2529
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2525
Who:
Turret
There you are
Listens:
2523
Who:
Turret
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2522
Who:
Announcer
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2522
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2515
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2512
Who:
Wheatley
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2511
Who:
Cave Johnson
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2508
Who:
Core 3
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2505
Who:
Caroline
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2500
Who:
Announcer
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2496
Who:
Defective Turret
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2494
Who:
Core 1
Why?
Listens:
2477
Who:
Turret
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2461
Who:
Cave Johnson
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2445
Who:
Core 3
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2443
Who:
Announcer
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2432
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2417
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2408
Who:
Core 3
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2407
Who:
Announcer
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2388
Who:
Core 2
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2382
Who:
Core 2
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2377
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2376
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2374
Who:
Wheatley
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2373
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2371
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2362
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2350
Who:
Announcer
Target aquired.
Listens:
2333
Who:
Turret
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2323
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotcha!
Listens:
2321
Who:
Turret
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2320
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2315
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2315
Who:
Core 1
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2314
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2312
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Wheatley
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2292
Who:
Defective Turret
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2284
Who:
Core 1
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2284
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2284
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2280
Who:
Wheatley
Whee!
Listens:
2280
Who:
Turret
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
2276
Who:
Turret
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2275
Who:
Defective Turret
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2272
Who:
Core 3
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2272
Who:
Defective Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2271
Who:
GLaDOS
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2268
Who:
Announcer
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2261
Who:
Wheatley
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2256
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2251
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2245
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2245
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2237
Who:
Cave Johnson
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2236
Who:
Announcer
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2230
Who:
Core 2
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2225
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
2187
Who:
Turret
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2177
Who:
Caroline
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2176
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
2163
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2153
Who:
Core 1
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2148
Who:
Announcer
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2148
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
2148
Who:
Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2144
Who:
Core 2
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2132
Who:
Turret
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2130
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2130
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2124
Who:
Cave Johnson
NO.
Listens:
2121
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2112
Who:
Wheatley
We're back!
Listens:
2107
Who:
Defective Turret
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2104
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2103
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
2102
Who:
GLaDOS
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2098
Who:
Cave Johnson
Who's there?
Listens:
2092
Who:
Turret
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2091
Who:
Turret
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2089
Who:
Cave Johnson
Excuse me
Listens:
2088
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2085
Who:
Announcer
There you are
Listens:
2084
Who:
Turret
Coming through!
Listens:
2080
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
