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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Hello?
Listens:
2592
Who:
Turret
Crap.
Listens:
2590
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2585
Who:
Core 3
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2583
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2580
Who:
Wheatley
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2579
Who:
Core 3
I'm in space.
Listens:
2565
Who:
Core 1
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2564
Who:
Announcer
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2549
Who:
Turret
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2547
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2534
Who:
Turret
[laughs]
Listens:
2525
Who:
Wheatley
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2522
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2513
Who:
Turret
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2505
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2504
Who:
Turret
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2499
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2495
Who:
Wheatley
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2494
Who:
Core 3
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2491
Who:
Caroline
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2487
Who:
Core 1
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2486
Who:
Cave Johnson
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2486
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2485
Who:
Announcer
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2482
Who:
Defective Turret
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2480
Who:
Announcer
Why?
Listens:
2463
Who:
Turret
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2432
Who:
Core 3
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2419
Who:
Cave Johnson
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2416
Who:
Defective Turret
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2405
Who:
Announcer
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2395
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2381
Who:
Core 3
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2371
Who:
Core 2
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2365
Who:
Core 2
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2363
Who:
Wheatley
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2363
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2360
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2352
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2343
Who:
Announcer
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2338
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2337
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
2324
Who:
Turret
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2323
Who:
Announcer
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2314
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2311
Who:
Core 1
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Wheatley
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2301
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotcha!
Listens:
2299
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2296
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2283
Who:
Wheatley
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2282
Who:
Core 1
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2275
Who:
Defective Turret
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2270
Who:
Cave Johnson
Whee!
Listens:
2269
Who:
Turret
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2264
Who:
Wheatley
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2260
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2256
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2256
Who:
Defective Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2249
Who:
GLaDOS
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2245
Who:
Announcer
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2242
Who:
Core 3
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2238
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2237
Who:
Defective Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2234
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2225
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2221
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2218
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2217
Who:
Core 2
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2206
Who:
Announcer
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2179
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
2177
Who:
Turret
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2170
Who:
Caroline
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2168
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2165
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
2149
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2144
Who:
Core 1
Ahahaha
Listens:
2139
Who:
Turret
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2122
Who:
Announcer
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2121
Who:
Turret
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
2120
Who:
Turret
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2116
Who:
Wheatley
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2110
Who:
Core 2
NO.
Listens:
2110
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2106
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2102
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2100
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2097
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
2093
Who:
GLaDOS
We're back!
Listens:
2089
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2086
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2084
Who:
Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
2083
Who:
Turret
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2082
Who:
Cave Johnson
Excuse me
Listens:
2082
Who:
Turret
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2077
Who:
Wheatley
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2076
Who:
Cave Johnson
Coming through!
Listens:
2073
Who:
Turret
There you are
Listens:
2072
Who:
Turret
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2068
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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