Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2311
Who:
Turret
I'm in space.
Listens:
2310
Who:
Core 1
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2308
Who:
Core 1
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2303
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
2300
Who:
Defective Turret
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2285
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2278
Who:
Announcer
There you are
Listens:
2268
Who:
Turret
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2263
Who:
Core 3
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2263
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2259
Who:
Defective Turret
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2254
Who:
Core 3
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2251
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2245
Who:
Cave Johnson
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2241
Who:
Turret
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2233
Who:
GLaDOS
[laughs]
Listens:
2224
Who:
Wheatley
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2218
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2211
Who:
Core 2
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2206
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2201
Who:
Announcer
Why?
Listens:
2194
Who:
Turret
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2184
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2176
Who:
GLaDOS
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2175
Who:
Core 3
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2166
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2161
Who:
Caroline
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2159
Who:
Announcer
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2156
Who:
Core 1
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2143
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2142
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2141
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2134
Who:
Core 2
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2128
Who:
GLaDOS
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2110
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2095
Who:
Cave Johnson
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2092
Who:
Wheatley
Gotcha!
Listens:
2092
Who:
Turret
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2091
Who:
Announcer
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2090
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2086
Who:
Defective Turret
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2082
Who:
Core 2
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2077
Who:
Core 3
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2076
Who:
Defective Turret
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2067
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2067
Who:
Defective Turret
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2066
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
2064
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2062
Who:
Turret
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2053
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2052
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2042
Who:
Announcer
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2040
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2028
Who:
Wheatley
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2017
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2008
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2004
Who:
Caroline
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2003
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2002
Who:
Announcer
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
1996
Who:
Cave Johnson
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
1985
Who:
Wheatley
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
1976
Who:
Core 1
Whee!
Listens:
1974
Who:
Turret
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
1973
Who:
Announcer
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
1969
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
1969
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
1964
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahahaha
Listens:
1954
Who:
Turret
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
1951
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
1939
Who:
Defective Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
1935
Who:
Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
1934
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me
Listens:
1932
Who:
Turret
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
1930
Who:
Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
1929
Who:
Core 2
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
1918
Who:
Core 3
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1916
Who:
Cave Johnson
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1916
Who:
Core 3
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
1915
Who:
Turret
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1912
Who:
Wheatley
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
1910
Who:
Announcer
Blah.
Listens:
1910
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1907
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
1896
Who:
Wheatley
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
1894
Who:
Defective Turret
We're back!
Listens:
1889
Who:
Defective Turret
This is not good.
Listens:
1885
Who:
Turret
There you are
Listens:
1882
Who:
Turret
Coming through!
Listens:
1882
Who:
Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
1879
Who:
Turret
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
1865
Who:
Wheatley
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
1852
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1850
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
1842
Who:
Announcer
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
1841
Who:
Cave Johnson
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
1835
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
1829
Who:
Cave Johnson
NO.
Listens:
1829
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1828
Who:
Announcer
Great job, astronaut, war hero, and/or Olympian! With your help, we're gonna [tape cuts out]
Listens:
1827
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
