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Portal 2
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Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2534
Who:
Core 3
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2532
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
2505
Who:
Core 1
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2503
Who:
Cave Johnson
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2500
Who:
Turret
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2499
Who:
Turret
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2489
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2485
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2472
Who:
Turret
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2468
Who:
Announcer
[laughs]
Listens:
2467
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2457
Who:
Turret
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2450
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2447
Who:
Caroline
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2447
Who:
GLaDOS
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2441
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2440
Who:
Core 1
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2437
Who:
Wheatley
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2423
Who:
Cave Johnson
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2422
Who:
Core 3
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2418
Who:
Announcer
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2414
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2407
Who:
Wheatley
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2407
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
2403
Who:
Turret
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2398
Who:
Core 3
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2379
Who:
GLaDOS
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2361
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2347
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2342
Who:
Announcer
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2336
Who:
Core 3
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2334
Who:
Cave Johnson
Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?
Listens:
2333
Who:
Announcer
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2326
Who:
Core 2
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2322
Who:
Wheatley
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2314
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2309
Who:
Core 2
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2308
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2308
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2301
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2300
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2297
Who:
Core 1
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2280
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
2276
Who:
Turret
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2267
Who:
Announcer
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2266
Who:
Core 1
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2255
Who:
Defective Turret
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2252
Who:
Wheatley
Gotcha!
Listens:
2251
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2246
Who:
Turret
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2245
Who:
Wheatley
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2242
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2232
Who:
Announcer
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2229
Who:
Wheatley
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2228
Who:
Defective Turret
Whee!
Listens:
2228
Who:
Turret
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2224
Who:
Wheatley
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2210
Who:
Core 3
Holmes versus Moriarty.
Listens:
2205
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2193
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2186
Who:
Core 2
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2185
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2182
Who:
Wheatley
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2174
Who:
Wheatley
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2168
Who:
Announcer
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2167
Who:
Cave Johnson
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2151
Who:
Cave Johnson
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2149
Who:
Caroline
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2133
Who:
Wheatley
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2132
Who:
Core 1
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2132
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
2124
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2118
Who:
Announcer
This is not good.
Listens:
2111
Who:
Turret
Ahahaha
Listens:
2102
Who:
Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2093
Who:
Turret
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2085
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2081
Who:
Turret
Excuse me
Listens:
2078
Who:
Turret
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2077
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2076
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2059
Who:
Turret
We're back!
Listens:
2058
Who:
Defective Turret
Who's there?
Listens:
2056
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
2055
Who:
GLaDOS
NO.
Listens:
2052
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2051
Who:
Turret
Coming through!
Listens:
2051
Who:
Turret
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2049
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hurt me once, shame on me. Hurt me twice...
Listens:
2044
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2043
Who:
Wheatley
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2042
Who:
Core 2
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2035
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2030
Who:
Cave Johnson
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2027
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2024
Who:
Core 3
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2021
Who:
Announcer
Noooooo!
Listens:
2011
Who:
Turret
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
2009
Who:
Core 3
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2005
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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