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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
628
Who:
Defective Turret
three
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
626
Who:
Core 2
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
623
Who:
Core 2
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
619
Who:
Core 2
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
615
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 3
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 3
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
609
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
608
Who:
Core 1
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
608
Who:
Core 2
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
607
Who:
Defective Turret
It's not, though.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 1
Don't do it.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
601
Who:
Core 1
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 3
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
600
Who:
Defective Turret
This isn't fair!
Listens:
600
Who:
Defective Turret
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
593
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
593
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 3
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
585
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
585
Who:
Wheatley
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
583
Who:
Core 3
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
582
Who:
Core 3
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
581
Who:
Turret
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something break back there?
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh...
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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