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Portal 2
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Oh my.
Listens:
595
Who:
Turret
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Good Job.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
588
Who:
Core 3
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
586
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 1
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 2
Lady.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 1
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
583
Who:
Core 3
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
581
Who:
Core 3
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
It's not, though.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
This isn't fair!
Listens:
577
Who:
Defective Turret
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
572
Who:
Core 2
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 3
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Don't do it.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
561
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
559
Who:
Core 3
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
557
Who:
GLaDOS
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
553
Who:
Core 3
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
549
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Canvassing
Listens:
545
Who:
Turret
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
544
Who:
Defective Turret
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Did something break back there?
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
539
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
538
Who:
Core 3
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
538
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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