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This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
639
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done!
Listens:
639
Who:
Turret
I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
638
Who:
Turret
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 2
three
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
625
Who:
Core 2
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 2
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
623
Who:
Core 3
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
622
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
621
Who:
Core 1
It's not, though.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
618
Who:
Core 3
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
617
Who:
Core 3
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
617
Who:
Defective Turret
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
This isn't fair!
Listens:
612
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 1
Lady.
Listens:
609
Who:
Core 1
Don't do it.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
608
Who:
Defective Turret
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 3
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
601
Who:
Defective Turret
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 3
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 3
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
595
Who:
Defective Turret
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
594
Who:
Core 3
Canvassing
Listens:
594
Who:
Turret
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
You only failed
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
583
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
583
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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