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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
907
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
907
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
904
Who:
Turret
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
Hey
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
Paradoxes.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
902
Who:
Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
898
Who:
Announcer
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
897
Who:
GLaDOS
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
892
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
892
Who:
Wheatley
Can't breathe...
Listens:
891
Who:
Turret
Oh dear.
Listens:
891
Who:
Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
890
Who:
GLaDOS
This is trouble.
Listens:
890
Who:
Defective Turret
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
889
Who:
Announcer
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
889
Who:
Announcer
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
888
Who:
Announcer
Can I help you?
Listens:
888
Who:
Turret
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
887
Who:
Announcer
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
887
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
886
Who:
Announcer
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
886
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
883
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
883
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
880
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh. What?
Listens:
879
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
879
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
878
Who:
Wheatley
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
I never liked her.
Listens:
877
Who:
Turret
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
874
Who:
Announcer
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
871
Who:
Announcer
Go on.
Listens:
871
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
871
Who:
Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
871
Who:
Turret
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
870
Who:
Core 3
Okay, you win.
Listens:
866
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
862
Who:
Core 1
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
862
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
860
Who:
GLaDOS
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
860
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
859
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
857
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
855
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
855
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
854
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
853
Who:
Defective Turret
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 3
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
851
Who:
Defective Turret
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
850
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
850
Who:
Defective Turret
Excellent.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
848
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
847
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
846
Who:
Turret
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
843
Who:
Core 3
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
843
Who:
Wheatley
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
843
Who:
Defective Turret
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
842
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
841
Who:
Wheatley
Hey!
Listens:
841
Who:
Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
840
Who:
Core 3
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
840
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
840
Who:
Turret
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
838
Who:
GLaDOS
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
838
Who:
Turret
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
837
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
837
Who:
Wheatley
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
836
Who:
Core 3
See you soon!
Listens:
836
Who:
Turret
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
832
Who:
Wheatley
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
831
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
831
Who:
Turret
Searching
Listens:
831
Who:
Turret
Help!
Listens:
831
Who:
Turret
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
829
Who:
Wheatley
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
825
Who:
Wheatley
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
823
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey.
Listens:
822
Who:
Core 1
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
822
Who:
GLaDOS
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
822
Who:
Defective Turret
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
821
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
821
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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