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But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
925
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
924
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
924
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
922
Who:
Announcer
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
922
Who:
Announcer
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
922
Who:
Core 3
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
920
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
920
Who:
Wheatley
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
918
Who:
Turret
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
917
Who:
Announcer
Paradoxes.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
916
Who:
Announcer
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
916
Who:
GLaDOS
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
914
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
914
Who:
Wheatley
This is trouble.
Listens:
914
Who:
Defective Turret
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
913
Who:
Announcer
Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
911
Who:
Announcer
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
909
Who:
Turret
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
908
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
908
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
907
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
902
Who:
Wheatley
Oh dear.
Listens:
902
Who:
Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
899
Who:
Turret
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
897
Who:
Wheatley
Can't breathe...
Listens:
895
Who:
Turret
I never liked her.
Listens:
894
Who:
Turret
Can I help you?
Listens:
894
Who:
Turret
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
892
Who:
Announcer
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
891
Who:
Defective Turret
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
888
Who:
Announcer
Go on.
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
Hibernating
Listens:
887
Who:
Turret
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
886
Who:
Defective Turret
Fantastic.
Listens:
884
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, you win.
Listens:
883
Who:
Turret
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
882
Who:
Core 3
Excellent.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
880
Who:
Core 1
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
878
Who:
GLaDOS
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
876
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
874
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
874
Who:
Defective Turret
Hi?
Listens:
874
Who:
Turret
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
873
Who:
Defective Turret
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
872
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
871
Who:
Core 3
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
871
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding.
Listens:
868
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
867
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
865
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
865
Who:
Turret
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
864
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
861
Who:
Turret
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
860
Who:
Defective Turret
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
858
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
858
Who:
Defective Turret
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
857
Who:
Core 3
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
857
Who:
Core 3
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
857
Who:
Core 3
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
856
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
856
Who:
Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
855
Who:
Core 3
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
854
Who:
Wheatley
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
853
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
852
Who:
Turret
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
851
Who:
Wheatley
Hey!
Listens:
848
Who:
Turret
Searching
Listens:
847
Who:
Turret
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
846
Who:
Turret
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
842
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
841
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
840
Who:
Defective Turret
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
839
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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