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'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
970
Who:
GLaDOS
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
967
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
966
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
965
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
965
Who:
Wheatley
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
964
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
964
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
962
Who:
Wheatley
You're navigating these test chambers faster than I can build them. So feel free to slow down and... do whatever it is you do when you're not destroying this facility.
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
956
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
956
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
956
Who:
Defective Turret
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
955
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
954
Who:
Wheatley
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
953
Who:
Core 3
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
952
Who:
Wheatley
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
952
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
951
Who:
Turret
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
950
Who:
Announcer
This is trouble.
Listens:
949
Who:
Defective Turret
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
947
Who:
Wheatley
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
947
Who:
Wheatley
Hi again!
Listens:
947
Who:
Defective Turret
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
941
Who:
Announcer
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
940
Who:
Announcer
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
940
Who:
GLaDOS
Paradoxes.
Listens:
938
Who:
GLaDOS
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
937
Who:
Turret
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
935
Who:
Announcer
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
935
Who:
Wheatley
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
933
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
933
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
933
Who:
Turret
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
See you soon!
Listens:
930
Who:
Turret
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
929
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
929
Who:
Defective Turret
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
926
Who:
Defective Turret
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
925
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
925
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on.
Listens:
923
Who:
Wheatley
Oh dear.
Listens:
921
Who:
Turret
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
920
Who:
Announcer
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
918
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you win.
Listens:
918
Who:
Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
916
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
915
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
915
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
915
Who:
Turret
Ahh. What?
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
I'm kidding.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
912
Who:
Defective Turret
Hibernating
Listens:
912
Who:
Turret
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
911
Who:
Core 3
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
911
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
910
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
910
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
910
Who:
Turret
Gotta go to space.
Listens:
907
Who:
Core 1
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
906
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'.
Listens:
906
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
906
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
904
Who:
Defective Turret
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
903
Who:
Core 3
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
903
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
903
Who:
Defective Turret
Can I help you?
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
902
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
902
Who:
Wheatley
Hi?
Listens:
900
Who:
Turret
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
899
Who:
Turret
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
898
Who:
Core 3
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
897
Who:
Defective Turret
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
895
Who:
Core 3
Excellent.
Listens:
895
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
895
Who:
Turret
Keep it up and you will lose 500 points.
Listens:
893
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
893
Who:
Defective Turret
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
885
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
880
Who:
Core 3
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
879
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
876
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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