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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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SHUT UP!
Listens:
18069
Who:
Wheatley
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17916
Who:
Core 3
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
17435
Who:
Announcer
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16872
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15337
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
14799
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14138
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13551
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13101
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't hate you
Listens:
12835
Who:
Turret
Critical error
Listens:
12819
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12641
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12403
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12277
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11347
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10800
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10765
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10538
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10416
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10361
Who:
Turret
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10221
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9974
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9649
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9504
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
9326
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9264
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8922
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8738
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8615
Who:
Caroline
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8554
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8504
Who:
Turret
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8305
Who:
Core 1
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8286
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8135
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8021
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye
Listens:
7826
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7794
Who:
Announcer
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7685
Who:
Core 2
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7601
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7563
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
7561
Who:
Announcer
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7559
Who:
Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7550
Who:
Announcer
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7478
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7446
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7354
Who:
Core 1
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7181
Who:
Cave Johnson
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7181
Who:
GLaDOS
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7159
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7144
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7121
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7118
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7071
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
6985
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
6946
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
6825
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6820
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6813
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6810
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6754
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6750
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6650
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6572
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6478
Who:
Core 3
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6461
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6406
Who:
Announcer
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6260
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6258
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6247
Who:
Turret
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6212
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6208
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
6165
Who:
Defective Turret
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6159
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
6136
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6116
Who:
Core 1
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6115
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6095
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
6043
Who:
Wheatley
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6029
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
6002
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5832
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5804
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5796
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5764
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5761
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5755
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5738
Who:
Cave Johnson
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5712
Who:
Core 3
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5644
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5629
Who:
Core 2
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5591
Who:
GLaDOS
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5590
Who:
Announcer
I don't understand!
Listens:
5587
Who:
Turret
Alalalawl
Listens:
5538
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5492
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5441
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5427
Who:
Core 2
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5424
Who:
Wheatley
Stop it!
Listens:
5392
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5381
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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