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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
18523
Who:
Announcer
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18453
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18050
Who:
Core 3
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16987
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15567
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15232
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14346
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13717
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13622
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
13320
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
13040
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12869
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12615
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12378
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11728
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
11074
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10932
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10904
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10686
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10518
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10485
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10256
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9790
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9778
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
9600
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9396
Who:
Caroline
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
9172
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9000
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8887
Who:
Core 3
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8743
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8718
Who:
Caroline
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8637
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8401
Who:
Wheatley
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8372
Who:
Core 1
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
8363
Who:
Announcer
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8272
Who:
Cave Johnson
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
8132
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8069
Who:
Announcer
Goodbye
Listens:
7957
Who:
Turret
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7869
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7854
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7755
Who:
Core 2
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7725
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7668
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7549
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7529
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
7431
Who:
Core 1
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7392
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7391
Who:
Cave Johnson
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7343
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7279
Who:
Announcer
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7278
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7253
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7235
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7174
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
6971
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
6957
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6944
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6943
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6898
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6897
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6853
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6757
Who:
Defective Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6672
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6661
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6592
Who:
Announcer
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6556
Who:
Core 3
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6530
Who:
Core 1
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6475
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6434
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6342
Who:
Cave Johnson
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6334
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6334
Who:
Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6321
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
6256
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6253
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
6206
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6182
Who:
Core 1
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6112
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
6093
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5983
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5970
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5928
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5908
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5857
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5846
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5823
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5814
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5795
Who:
Core 3
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5750
Who:
Announcer
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5718
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5684
Who:
Core 2
I don't understand!
Listens:
5675
Who:
Turret
Alalalawl
Listens:
5608
Who:
Turret
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5583
Who:
Wheatley
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5560
Who:
Cave Johnson
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5542
Who:
Core 1
Stop it!
Listens:
5502
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5466
Who:
Core 2
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5455
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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