Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18830
Who:
Core 1
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18583
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18139
Who:
Core 3
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17090
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15804
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15717
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14518
Who:
Wheatley
I hate you so much.
Listens:
14079
Who:
GLaDOS
Shutting down
Listens:
14031
Who:
Turret
Critical error
Listens:
13715
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
13183
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
13037
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12791
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12453
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
12012
Who:
Announcer
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11625
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
11278
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
11050
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10808
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10641
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10619
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10431
Who:
Announcer
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
10084
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9930
Who:
Wheatley
Target acquired.
Listens:
9904
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9513
Who:
Caroline
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
9408
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
9232
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
9135
Who:
Announcer
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9088
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
9084
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8808
Who:
Caroline
Goodbye
Listens:
8760
Who:
Turret
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8744
Who:
Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
8624
Who:
Announcer
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8620
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8498
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8421
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8312
Who:
Announcer
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8109
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
8057
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8039
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
8003
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7831
Who:
Core 2
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7764
Who:
Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7634
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7618
Who:
Announcer
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7581
Who:
Cave Johnson
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7570
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7542
Who:
Wheatley
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7524
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7504
Who:
Core 1
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7496
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7330
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7318
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7302
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
7170
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
7086
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
7077
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
7043
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
7010
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6952
Who:
Defective Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6882
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6824
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6770
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6721
Who:
Wheatley
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6693
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6628
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6609
Who:
Core 3
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6565
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6538
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6495
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6450
Who:
Turret
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6426
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6373
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
6323
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
6290
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6238
Who:
Core 1
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6185
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
6167
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
6111
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
6104
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
6051
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
6018
Who:
Wheatley
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5996
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5941
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5918
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5891
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5877
Who:
Core 3
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5872
Who:
Announcer
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5848
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5745
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
5734
Who:
Turret
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5724
Who:
Core 2
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5694
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alalalawl
Listens:
5670
Who:
Turret
Stop it!
Listens:
5593
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5583
Who:
Core 1
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
5526
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5520
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
