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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18843
Who:
Core 1
One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18603
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18151
Who:
Core 3
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17113
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15823
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15761
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14526
Who:
Wheatley
I hate you so much.
Listens:
14105
Who:
GLaDOS
Shutting down
Listens:
14043
Who:
Turret
Critical error
Listens:
13743
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
13196
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
13058
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12808
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12458
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
12032
Who:
Announcer
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11704
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
11299
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
11066
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10817
Who:
Announcer
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10650
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10628
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10465
Who:
Announcer
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
10111
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9945
Who:
Wheatley
Target acquired.
Listens:
9930
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9523
Who:
Caroline
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
9420
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
9285
Who:
GLaDOS
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
9222
Who:
Announcer
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
9115
Who:
Core 3
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9095
Who:
Wheatley
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8812
Who:
Caroline
Goodbye
Listens:
8783
Who:
Turret
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8763
Who:
Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
8683
Who:
Announcer
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8638
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8517
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8425
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8349
Who:
Announcer
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8125
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
8071
Who:
GLaDOS
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8064
Who:
Wheatley
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
8035
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7834
Who:
Core 2
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7771
Who:
Turret
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7646
Who:
Announcer
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7644
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7619
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7595
Who:
Cave Johnson
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7582
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7539
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7525
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
7506
Who:
Core 1
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7338
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7329
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7305
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
7181
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
7119
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
7102
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
7060
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
7013
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6960
Who:
Defective Turret
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6885
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6835
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6792
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6730
Who:
Wheatley
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6720
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6637
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6617
Who:
Core 3
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6574
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6558
Who:
Cave Johnson
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6515
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6458
Who:
Turret
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6432
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6385
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
6338
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
6291
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6243
Who:
Core 1
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6191
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
6172
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
6125
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
6125
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
6073
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
6037
Who:
Wheatley
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
6019
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5941
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5926
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5899
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5883
Who:
Core 3
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5880
Who:
Announcer
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5864
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5762
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
5739
Who:
Turret
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5726
Who:
Core 2
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5703
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alalalawl
Listens:
5682
Who:
Turret
Stop it!
Listens:
5601
Who:
GLaDOS
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5585
Who:
Core 1
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
5543
Who:
Wheatley
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5523
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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