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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer.
Listens:
18360
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
17996
Who:
Announcer
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17986
Who:
Core 3
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16951
Who:
Core 2
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15459
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
14998
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14246
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13647
Who:
Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13345
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
13042
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
12950
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12776
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello!
Listens:
12526
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12344
Who:
Core 1
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
11533
Who:
Announcer
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10945
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10866
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10619
Who:
Announcer
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10566
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10464
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
10444
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10122
Who:
Announcer
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9728
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9634
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
9473
Who:
Turret
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9321
Who:
Caroline
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8972
Who:
Wheatley
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
8846
Who:
GLaDOS
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8818
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8672
Who:
Caroline
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8575
Who:
Turret
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8475
Who:
GLaDOS
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8339
Who:
Core 1
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8292
Who:
Wheatley
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8168
Who:
Cave Johnson
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7973
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7931
Who:
Announcer
Goodbye
Listens:
7876
Who:
Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
7808
Who:
Announcer
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7770
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7714
Who:
Core 2
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7714
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7622
Who:
Turret
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
7585
Who:
Wheatley
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7481
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7400
Who:
Core 1
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7320
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7303
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7295
Who:
Cave Johnson
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7244
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7211
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7177
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7164
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7126
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7117
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
6889
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6884
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6862
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6861
Who:
Wheatley
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6845
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6825
Who:
Wheatley
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6711
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6626
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6522
Who:
Core 3
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6499
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
6493
Who:
Announcer
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
6476
Who:
Wheatley
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
6437
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6358
Who:
GLaDOS
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6343
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6297
Who:
Turret
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6268
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6232
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
6216
Who:
Defective Turret
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6209
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6196
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
6169
Who:
Turret
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6155
Who:
Core 1
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6070
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
6046
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5897
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5872
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5859
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5856
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
5802
Who:
Turret
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5801
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5796
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5762
Who:
Core 3
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5730
Who:
Wheatley
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5662
Who:
Announcer
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5662
Who:
Core 2
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5644
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5624
Who:
Turret
Alalalawl
Listens:
5575
Who:
Turret
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5524
Who:
Wheatley
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5521
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5511
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5454
Who:
Core 2
Stop it!
Listens:
5441
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5420
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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