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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
16992
Who:
Announcer
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
16567
Who:
Core 2
SHUT UP!
Listens:
16301
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
15697
Who:
Announcer
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14550
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
13799
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
13526
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13084
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
12321
Who:
Turret
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
12024
Who:
Defective Turret
I hate you so much.
Listens:
11968
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
11931
Who:
Turret
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
11909
Who:
Core 1
Hello!
Listens:
11722
Who:
Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
10562
Who:
Announcer
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10438
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
Listens:
10312
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10102
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good!
Listens:
10062
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
9814
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9358
Who:
Announcer
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
9225
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9217
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
8940
Who:
Caroline
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
8884
Who:
Cave Johnson
Target acquired.
Listens:
8728
Who:
Turret
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
8617
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
8442
Who:
Core 3
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8115
Who:
Caroline
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8076
Who:
Core 1
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
7991
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
7887
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
7881
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
7505
Who:
Cave Johnson
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7474
Who:
Core 2
Goodbye
Listens:
7446
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
7255
Who:
Wheatley
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7184
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
7174
Who:
Announcer
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7116
Who:
Wheatley
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7034
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
6974
Who:
Core 1
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
6940
Who:
Wheatley
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
6865
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
6826
Who:
Cave Johnson
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
6728
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
6721
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
6718
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
6709
Who:
Announcer
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
6702
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6641
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
6552
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
6509
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
6480
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6447
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6441
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6402
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6378
Who:
Wheatley
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
6369
Who:
Announcer
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6366
Who:
Defective Turret
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
6322
Who:
Announcer
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6246
Who:
Core 1
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6236
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
6232
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6169
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5929
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
5909
Who:
Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 100 percent.
Listens:
5883
Who:
Announcer
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
5858
Who:
Core 1
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
5847
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
5819
Who:
Cave Johnson
clickclickclick
Listens:
5797
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
5792
Who:
Turret
PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!
Listens:
5790
Who:
Wheatley
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
5780
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
5769
Who:
GLaDOS
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
5752
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5687
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
5638
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
5550
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
5493
Who:
Turret
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5472
Who:
Core 3
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5472
Who:
Core 2
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5466
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5454
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5437
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5418
Who:
GLaDOS
[Laughter]
Listens:
5415
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5338
Who:
Turret
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5315
Who:
Core 1
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5305
Who:
Core 2
Alalalawl
Listens:
5253
Who:
Turret
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5238
Who:
Announcer
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5194
Who:
Cave Johnson
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5194
Who:
GLaDOS
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
5174
Who:
Wheatley
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5133
Who:
Core 1
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5126
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah!
Listens:
5120
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5120
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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