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Portal 2
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Random
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clickclickclick
Listens:
547
Who:
Defective Turret
eight
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
544
Who:
Core 3
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
542
Who:
Core 3
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
542
Who:
Defective Turret
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
541
Who:
Defective Turret
Dang.
Listens:
540
Who:
Defective Turret
NO!
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
539
Who:
Defective Turret
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
536
Who:
Defective Turret
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
536
Who:
Defective Turret
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Please get it off me.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
531
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
530
Who:
Defective Turret
Do not press that button!
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
528
Who:
Defective Turret
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
527
Who:
Wheatley
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
526
Who:
Core 3
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
525
Who:
Core 2
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks!
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
521
Who:
Defective Turret
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
516
Who:
Core 2
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
516
Who:
Core 2
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Fixed.
Listens:
516
Who:
Wheatley
Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
Ow.
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite.
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
510
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Try it now.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
509
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, let's do some tests and see what happens.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
508
Who:
Wheatley
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
508
Who:
Wheatley
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
508
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
508
Who:
Defective Turret
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
504
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
504
Who:
Defective Turret
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
503
Who:
Core 2
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
NOT a team player.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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