Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3330
Who:
GLaDOS
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3297
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3297
Who:
Core 1
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3267
Who:
Announcer
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3254
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3240
Who:
Turret
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3239
Who:
Turret
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3228
Who:
GLaDOS
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3221
Who:
Core 1
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3217
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
3211
Who:
Defective Turret
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3200
Who:
Turret
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3194
Who:
Announcer
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3178
Who:
GLaDOS
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
3171
Who:
Core 2
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3163
Who:
Wheatley
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3157
Who:
Turret
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3149
Who:
GLaDOS
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3144
Who:
Wheatley
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3121
Who:
Announcer
Nap time
Listens:
3112
Who:
Turret
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
3084
Who:
Defective Turret
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3079
Who:
Cave Johnson
Goodbye!
Listens:
3065
Who:
Turret
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3047
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
3017
Who:
Core 1
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3010
Who:
Wheatley
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3007
Who:
Wheatley
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
2999
Who:
Core 3
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
2985
Who:
Core 1
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
2983
Who:
Caroline
And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
2969
Who:
GLaDOS
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
2967
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
2950
Who:
Core 3
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2907
Who:
Core 1
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2907
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww
Listens:
2883
Who:
Turret
Deploying
Listens:
2868
Who:
Turret
I am!
Listens:
2863
Who:
Caroline
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2842
Who:
GLaDOS
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2840
Who:
Core 3
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2835
Who:
Core 3
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2827
Who:
Announcer
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2807
Who:
Announcer
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2805
Who:
Turret
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2800
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2792
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2774
Who:
Turret
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2769
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space!
Listens:
2768
Who:
Core 1
Template
Listens:
2750
Who:
Announcer
I see you
Listens:
2749
Who:
Turret
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2745
Who:
Wheatley
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2734
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
2730
Who:
Defective Turret
Good!
Listens:
2727
Who:
Announcer
Sorry
Listens:
2709
Who:
Turret
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2699
Who:
Announcer
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2681
Who:
Announcer
Why...
Listens:
2678
Who:
Turret
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2677
Who:
GLaDOS
It burns.
Listens:
2667
Who:
Turret
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
2663
Who:
Announcer
She is a gem.
Listens:
2659
Who:
Cave Johnson
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2632
Who:
Wheatley
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2629
Who:
GLaDOS
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2626
Who:
Core 1
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2615
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2600
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2597
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god.
Listens:
2594
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2594
Who:
Wheatley
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2592
Who:
Core 1
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2559
Who:
Defective Turret
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2550
Who:
Cave Johnson
Response
Listens:
2527
Who:
Announcer
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2504
Who:
Core 3
Activated
Listens:
2496
Who:
Turret
That isn't science.
Listens:
2495
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
2493
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted Core: are you ready to start?
Listens:
2481
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2477
Who:
Core 1
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2453
Who:
Turret
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2451
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2449
Who:
Core 3
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2445
Who:
Wheatley
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2438
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2431
Who:
Turret
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2424
Who:
Announcer
We're in space!
Listens:
2414
Who:
Wheatley
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2413
Who:
Cave Johnson
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2408
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password.
Listens:
2401
Who:
Wheatley
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2400
Who:
Wheatley
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2399
Who:
Core 3
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2396
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
2380
Who:
Defective Turret
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2374
Who:
Announcer
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2371
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
2368
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
