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Portal 2
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Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
543
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
540
Who:
Defective Turret
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
539
Who:
Core 3
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
536
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
534
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
534
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
531
Who:
GLaDOS
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
529
Who:
Core 2
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
529
Who:
Defective Turret
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 3
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
Not so fast!
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
527
Who:
Wheatley
At least the plants didn't want a reward.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh...
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
521
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
521
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
five
Listens:
520
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
519
Who:
Core 3
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
517
Who:
Core 2
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
517
Who:
Core 2
Good.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
517
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
516
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
514
Who:
Defective Turret
Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
512
Who:
Core 2
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
512
Who:
Defective Turret
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
511
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
509
Who:
Core 3
Always sad.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
509
Who:
GLaDOS
four
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
505
Who:
Core 2
Please get it off me.
Listens:
505
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
505
Who:
Defective Turret
NO!
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
504
Who:
Defective Turret
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
503
Who:
Core 2
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
503
Who:
Core 2
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
503
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
503
Who:
Defective Turret
I know you.
Listens:
502
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
501
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
500
Who:
Core 3
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
498
Who:
Core 3
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
498
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
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