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Portal 2
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Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
648
Who:
Core 3
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 3
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 3
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
636
Who:
Defective Turret
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 3
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
631
Who:
Core 3
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Rgggh!
Listens:
631
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, come on!
Listens:
631
Who:
Defective Turret
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
624
Who:
Core 2
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Not so fast!
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
620
Who:
Defective Turret
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
618
Who:
Core 3
Two
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
611
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
607
Who:
Core 2
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 2
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
604
Who:
Core 2
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 2
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 2
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
602
Who:
Defective Turret
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
601
Who:
Core 3
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 2
eight
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
599
Who:
Defective Turret
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
597
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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