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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
628
Who:
Defective Turret
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 3
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
625
Who:
Core 3
Yes.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
609
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
609
Who:
Defective Turret
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
605
Who:
Core 2
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
You KNOW her?
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 2
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
599
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 2
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
596
Who:
Core 3
Oh no...
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
592
Who:
Defective Turret
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 2
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
588
Who:
Core 2
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
This time...
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
586
Who:
Core 2
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 3
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 2
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 3
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 2
eight
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
583
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
582
Who:
Defective Turret
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
Who said that?
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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