Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
ow.
Listens:
651
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
651
Who:
Wheatley
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeghh!
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
649
Who:
Core 3
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
646
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
644
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 3
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
639
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 3
You only failed
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
638
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 3
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
636
Who:
Defective Turret
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
634
Who:
Defective Turret
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 3
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Rgggh!
Listens:
633
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no...
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 2
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
623
Who:
Core 3
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
623
Who:
Wheatley
Not so fast!
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
621
Who:
Defective Turret
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
618
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
616
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
613
Who:
Defective Turret
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
609
Who:
Core 2
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 2
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
605
Who:
Core 2
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
604
Who:
Core 2
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
604
Who:
Core 2
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
603
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
601
Who:
Core 3
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
601
Who:
Core 2
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
601
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
601
Who:
Defective Turret
eight
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sad.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
598
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
