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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
632
Who:
Core 3
Yes.
Listens:
632
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
628
Who:
Core 3
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Just stop it already.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
628
Who:
Defective Turret
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 3
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
627
Who:
Core 2
But that was worth it.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
You KNOW her?
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
617
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
613
Who:
Defective Turret
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 3
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
610
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
607
Who:
Core 2
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 3
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
601
Who:
Defective Turret
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
599
Who:
Core 2
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
595
Who:
Wheatley
Not so fast!
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
593
Who:
Core 2
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
593
Who:
Defective Turret
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
592
Who:
Core 2
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
590
Who:
Core 3
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
590
Who:
Defective Turret
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 3
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 2
eight
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
588
Who:
Core 2
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 2
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Rgggh!
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
585
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
583
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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