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I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
613
Who:
Core 3
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
612
Who:
Core 3
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
612
Who:
GLaDOS
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
611
Who:
Core 3
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
[yelling]
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
Yes.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Two
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
592
Who:
Defective Turret
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
588
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
You KNOW her?
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
586
Who:
Core 2
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
586
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
581
Who:
Core 3
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
581
Who:
Core 3
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
579
Who:
Wheatley
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
578
Who:
Core 3
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age.
Listens:
578
Who:
Core 2
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
578
Who:
Core 2
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
575
Who:
Core 2
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
575
Who:
Core 2
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
Who said that?
Listens:
575
Who:
Defective Turret
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
574
Who:
Core 2
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
571
Who:
Core 2
And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
Always sad.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
569
Who:
Core 2
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
569
Who:
Defective Turret
Good.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
567
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh, not again!
Listens:
567
Who:
Defective Turret
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
567
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
566
Who:
Core 2
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 3
China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 3
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
563
Who:
Defective Turret
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
561
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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