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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1558
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1557
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1557
Who:
Wheatley
Dispensing product
Listens:
1557
Who:
Turret
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1556
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1554
Who:
Cave Johnson
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1546
Who:
GLaDOS
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1546
Who:
Wheatley
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1545
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1544
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1540
Who:
Core 1
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1538
Who:
Caroline
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1537
Who:
Core 3
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1536
Who:
Core 3
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1535
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1533
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1530
Who:
Defective Turret
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1528
Who:
Announcer
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1523
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1522
Who:
Core 1
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1519
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1513
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1513
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1513
Who:
Wheatley
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1510
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1509
Who:
Announcer
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1509
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1506
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1502
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1494
Who:
Core 3
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1490
Who:
GLaDOS
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1483
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1474
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1471
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1467
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1464
Who:
Wheatley
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1460
Who:
Core 3
Hey lady.
Listens:
1455
Who:
Core 1
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1451
Who:
Announcer
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1450
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1437
Who:
Core 2
Blah.
Listens:
1433
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1426
Who:
Wheatley
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1420
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1419
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1418
Who:
Cave Johnson
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1410
Who:
Defective Turret
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1408
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1407
Who:
Core 3
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1405
Who:
Announcer
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1402
Who:
GLaDOS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1401
Who:
Core 3
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1400
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1395
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1393
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1392
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1388
Who:
Announcer
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1385
Who:
Wheatley
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1383
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1382
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1381
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1380
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1379
Who:
Caroline
Ahh!
Listens:
1377
Who:
Turret
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1375
Who:
GLaDOS
New template accepted.
Listens:
1368
Who:
Announcer
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1368
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
1368
Who:
Turret
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1363
Who:
Caroline
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1362
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1359
Who:
Wheatley
Um, hello?
Listens:
1351
Who:
Turret
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Core 2
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1348
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1347
Who:
Cave Johnson
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Caroline
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1346
Who:
Core 2
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1343
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1342
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1341
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1341
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Announcer
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1338
Who:
Defective Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1337
Who:
Turret
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1335
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button!
Listens:
1330
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1327
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1326
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
1325
Who:
Turret
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1322
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1321
Who:
Caroline
I am!
Listens:
1321
Who:
Caroline
clickclickclick
Listens:
1321
Who:
Defective Turret
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1320
Who:
Core 3
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1318
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1317
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1315
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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