Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1502
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1502
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1499
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1495
Who:
Cave Johnson
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1491
Who:
Core 3
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1491
Who:
Turret
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1490
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1490
Who:
Core 1
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1489
Who:
Core 3
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1488
Who:
GLaDOS
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1488
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1486
Who:
Core 1
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1484
Who:
Announcer
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1484
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1481
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1480
Who:
Defective Turret
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1478
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1475
Who:
Caroline
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1475
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1474
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1468
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1466
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1465
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1463
Who:
Announcer
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1462
Who:
Core 3
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1455
Who:
GLaDOS
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1450
Who:
Announcer
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1449
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1447
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Announcer
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1439
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1435
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1431
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1430
Who:
Core 1
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1428
Who:
Wheatley
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1426
Who:
Core 3
Hey lady.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Core 1
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Core 2
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1421
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1420
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1413
Who:
Wheatley
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1402
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1395
Who:
Announcer
Blah.
Listens:
1382
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1379
Who:
Core 3
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1368
Who:
Cave Johnson
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1368
Who:
Core 3
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1368
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1366
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1364
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1362
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1357
Who:
Wheatley
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1357
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1355
Who:
Core 1
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1349
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1349
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1343
Who:
Announcer
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1336
Who:
Core 2
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1335
Who:
Caroline
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1335
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1333
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1331
Who:
Wheatley
GAAAA!
Listens:
1329
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1328
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1326
Who:
Announcer
Ahh!
Listens:
1323
Who:
Turret
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1322
Who:
Caroline
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1318
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1317
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1317
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1312
Who:
Core 2
Owwwww!
Listens:
1312
Who:
Turret
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1310
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1309
Who:
Defective Turret
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Wheatley
Um, hello?
Listens:
1306
Who:
Turret
New template accepted.
Listens:
1303
Who:
Announcer
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1301
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1300
Who:
Caroline
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1300
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1299
Who:
Wheatley
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1292
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1291
Who:
Cave Johnson
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1291
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1290
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1289
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1288
Who:
Announcer
I am!
Listens:
1288
Who:
Caroline
clickclickclick
Listens:
1285
Who:
Defective Turret
Self test error
Listens:
1285
Who:
Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1284
Who:
Turret
Sir!
Listens:
1283
Who:
Caroline
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1283
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1283
Who:
Defective Turret
Press the button!
Listens:
1282
Who:
GLaDOS
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1281
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1281
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1279
Who:
Core 3
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1279
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1272
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
