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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Dispensing product
Listens:
1614
Who:
Turret
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1613
Who:
Core 3
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1612
Who:
GLaDOS
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1611
Who:
Announcer
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1611
Who:
Core 3
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1609
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1609
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1606
Who:
Core 3
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1605
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1602
Who:
Caroline
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1602
Who:
Defective Turret
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1602
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1601
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1601
Who:
Turret
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1599
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1598
Who:
Core 1
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1595
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1592
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1592
Who:
Wheatley
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1589
Who:
Wheatley
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1587
Who:
Cave Johnson
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1581
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1575
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1574
Who:
GLaDOS
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1568
Who:
Core 3
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1568
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1566
Who:
Announcer
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1564
Who:
Core 3
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1559
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1550
Who:
Core 1
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1550
Who:
GLaDOS
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1544
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1542
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1537
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1524
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1523
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1520
Who:
Cave Johnson
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1515
Who:
Announcer
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1508
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
1500
Who:
Core 1
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1498
Who:
GLaDOS
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1495
Who:
Core 3
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1489
Who:
Announcer
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1488
Who:
Announcer
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1483
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1477
Who:
Core 2
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1477
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1476
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1475
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1474
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1474
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1468
Who:
Wheatley
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1465
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1462
Who:
Wheatley
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1459
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1457
Who:
Cave Johnson
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1452
Who:
Caroline
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1446
Who:
GLaDOS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1445
Who:
Core 3
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1444
Who:
Core 3
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1438
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1438
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1437
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1431
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1430
Who:
Core 1
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1428
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh!
Listens:
1423
Who:
Turret
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1422
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1418
Who:
Caroline
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1418
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1416
Who:
Announcer
New template accepted.
Listens:
1415
Who:
Announcer
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1411
Who:
Announcer
Owwwww!
Listens:
1407
Who:
Turret
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1403
Who:
Wheatley
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1397
Who:
Caroline
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
1395
Who:
Turret
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1394
Who:
Core 2
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1393
Who:
Core 2
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1392
Who:
Defective Turret
Um, hello?
Listens:
1391
Who:
Turret
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1390
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1389
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1386
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1386
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1386
Who:
Wheatley
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1385
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1383
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1382
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1381
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button!
Listens:
1380
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1379
Who:
Defective Turret
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1378
Who:
Announcer
Please put me down
Listens:
1376
Who:
Turret
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1374
Who:
Wheatley
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1374
Who:
Turret
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1371
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1371
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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