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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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The end.
Listens:
1659
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1658
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1654
Who:
Cave Johnson
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1652
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1649
Who:
Turret
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1642
Who:
Core 3
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1641
Who:
Core 3
Blah.
Listens:
1641
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1640
Who:
Caroline
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1638
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1638
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1632
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1632
Who:
Defective Turret
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1631
Who:
Core 1
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1631
Who:
Core 3
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1630
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1630
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1627
Who:
Turret
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1625
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1623
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1621
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1621
Who:
Core 1
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1618
Who:
Wheatley
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1617
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1612
Who:
Announcer
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1610
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1610
Who:
Wheatley
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1595
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1594
Who:
Core 3
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1591
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1580
Who:
Cave Johnson
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1579
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1578
Who:
GLaDOS
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1573
Who:
Announcer
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1572
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1570
Who:
Wheatley
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1569
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1560
Who:
Core 1
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1558
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1551
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1547
Who:
Wheatley
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1545
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1538
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1534
Who:
Announcer
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1524
Who:
Announcer
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1524
Who:
GLaDOS
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1519
Who:
Core 3
Hey lady.
Listens:
1518
Who:
Core 1
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1517
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1515
Who:
Core 2
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Cave Johnson
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1510
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1500
Who:
Cave Johnson
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1499
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1493
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1492
Who:
Caroline
Blah.
Listens:
1492
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1489
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1485
Who:
Announcer
Self test error
Listens:
1483
Who:
Turret
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1480
Who:
Wheatley
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1476
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1475
Who:
Wheatley
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1474
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1473
Who:
Core 3
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1471
Who:
Core 3
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1466
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1458
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1456
Who:
Announcer
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1456
Who:
Core 1
Ahh!
Listens:
1456
Who:
Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1455
Who:
Announcer
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1448
Who:
Defective Turret
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1447
Who:
Caroline
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1446
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1438
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1437
Who:
Turret
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1434
Who:
GLaDOS
New template accepted.
Listens:
1432
Who:
Announcer
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1431
Who:
Core 2
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1428
Who:
Caroline
Blah.
Listens:
1427
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1426
Who:
Defective Turret
Please put me down
Listens:
1426
Who:
Turret
Um, hello?
Listens:
1422
Who:
Turret
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1421
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1421
Who:
Wheatley
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1418
Who:
Core 2
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1418
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1415
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1413
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1412
Who:
GLaDOS
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1411
Who:
Core 3
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1410
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1410
Who:
Wheatley
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1409
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1409
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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