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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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The end.
Listens:
1657
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1652
Who:
Cave Johnson
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1652
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1649
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1648
Who:
Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1641
Who:
GLaDOS
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1638
Who:
Core 3
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1637
Who:
Caroline
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1637
Who:
Core 3
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1635
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1633
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1631
Who:
Core 1
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1630
Who:
Core 3
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1630
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1630
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1626
Who:
Turret
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1625
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1624
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1624
Who:
Defective Turret
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1621
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1620
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1619
Who:
Core 1
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1618
Who:
Wheatley
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1613
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1608
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1607
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1603
Who:
Announcer
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1591
Who:
Core 3
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1589
Who:
GLaDOS
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1587
Who:
Core 3
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1578
Who:
Core 1
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1571
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1571
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1569
Who:
Cave Johnson
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1569
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1565
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1558
Who:
Core 1
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1556
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1552
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1547
Who:
Wheatley
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1544
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1539
Who:
GLaDOS
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1534
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1533
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1529
Who:
Announcer
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1521
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1519
Who:
Announcer
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1519
Who:
Core 3
Hey lady.
Listens:
1515
Who:
Core 1
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1514
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1513
Who:
Core 2
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1508
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1507
Who:
Cave Johnson
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1498
Who:
Cave Johnson
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1494
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1490
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1490
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1489
Who:
Caroline
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1488
Who:
Wheatley
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1482
Who:
Announcer
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Wheatley
Self test error
Listens:
1477
Who:
Turret
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1472
Who:
Core 3
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1471
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1469
Who:
Wheatley
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1468
Who:
Core 3
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1465
Who:
GLaDOS
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1465
Who:
Wheatley
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1455
Who:
Core 1
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1455
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
1453
Who:
Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1452
Who:
Announcer
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1451
Who:
Announcer
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1443
Who:
Caroline
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1443
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1436
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1436
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1435
Who:
Defective Turret
New template accepted.
Listens:
1428
Who:
Announcer
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1427
Who:
Caroline
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1427
Who:
Core 2
Blah.
Listens:
1426
Who:
GLaDOS
Please put me down
Listens:
1425
Who:
Turret
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1421
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
1421
Who:
Turret
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1419
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1417
Who:
Wheatley
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1415
Who:
Defective Turret
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1414
Who:
Core 2
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1414
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1414
Who:
Wheatley
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1409
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1408
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1408
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1408
Who:
Wheatley
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1407
Who:
Core 3
AHH!
Listens:
1406
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1406
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button!
Listens:
1405
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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