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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1594
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1594
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1593
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1592
Who:
Turret
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1591
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1591
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1589
Who:
Defective Turret
Dispensing product
Listens:
1583
Who:
Turret
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1579
Who:
Core 1
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1577
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1576
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1576
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1571
Who:
Core 3
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1569
Who:
Announcer
Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though.
Listens:
1569
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1568
Who:
Caroline
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1563
Who:
Cave Johnson
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1561
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1560
Who:
Defective Turret
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1557
Who:
Core 3
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1556
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1548
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1544
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1541
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're hearing this, it means you're taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.
Listens:
1540
Who:
Cave Johnson
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1539
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1537
Who:
Core 1
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1531
Who:
Core 3
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1530
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1528
Who:
Announcer
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1508
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1507
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1502
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1501
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1498
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1497
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1486
Who:
Announcer
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1481
Who:
Core 3
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1478
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
1476
Who:
Core 1
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1456
Who:
Core 2
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1455
Who:
Wheatley
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Announcer
Blah.
Listens:
1453
Who:
GLaDOS
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1445
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1443
Who:
Cave Johnson
[sigh] Don't tell anyone about this.
Listens:
1440
Who:
Defective Turret
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1439
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?
Listens:
1437
Who:
Wheatley
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1436
Who:
GLaDOS
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1435
Who:
Announcer
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1429
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1428
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1428
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1426
Who:
Core 3
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1426
Who:
GLaDOS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1424
Who:
Core 3
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1416
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1415
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1414
Who:
Wheatley
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1413
Who:
GLaDOS
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1404
Who:
Caroline
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1404
Who:
Core 1
Ahh!
Listens:
1404
Who:
Turret
New template accepted.
Listens:
1400
Who:
Announcer
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1399
Who:
Wheatley
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1396
Who:
Caroline
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Cave Johnson
Owwwww!
Listens:
1386
Who:
Turret
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1385
Who:
Wheatley
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1382
Who:
Wheatley
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1380
Who:
Announcer
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1377
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1376
Who:
Wheatley
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1373
Who:
Core 2
Um, hello?
Listens:
1373
Who:
Turret
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1371
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1370
Who:
Wheatley
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1369
Who:
Caroline
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1366
Who:
Core 2
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1363
Who:
Announcer
Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly.
Listens:
1362
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1360
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1360
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1360
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1359
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1357
Who:
Wheatley
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1355
Who:
Defective Turret
Help! Being squished!
Listens:
1355
Who:
Turret
Self test error
Listens:
1352
Who:
Turret
What do you think?
Listens:
1348
Who:
Wheatley
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1346
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1345
Who:
Caroline
Press the button!
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1344
Who:
Core 3
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1343
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1343
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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