Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Yeah!
Listens:
5514
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5509
Who:
Core 1
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5505
Who:
Core 2
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5473
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5445
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5433
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5410
Who:
Announcer
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5397
Who:
Announcer
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
5278
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5255
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5219
Who:
Announcer
Hooray!
Listens:
5155
Who:
Turret
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
5153
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5123
Who:
Turret
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
5082
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
5068
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
5067
Who:
Turret
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
5056
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
5010
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4970
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4931
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4922
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4893
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4883
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4809
Who:
Announcer
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4799
Who:
Announcer
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4797
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you!
Listens:
4788
Who:
Turret
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4777
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4613
Who:
Announcer
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4555
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4542
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4541
Who:
GLaDOS
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4527
Who:
Core 3
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4495
Who:
Defective Turret
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4476
Who:
Announcer
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4459
Who:
Core 3
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4454
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4450
Who:
Announcer
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4448
Who:
Turret
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4443
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4415
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4369
Who:
GLaDOS
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4359
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4355
Who:
Wheatley
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4345
Who:
Turret
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4321
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4301
Who:
Core 2
Hello.
Listens:
4298
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
4273
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4253
Who:
Core 3
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4248
Who:
GLaDOS
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4244
Who:
Wheatley
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4216
Who:
Defective Turret
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
4208
Who:
Announcer
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4206
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4173
Who:
Wheatley
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4171
Who:
Core 1
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4104
Who:
GLaDOS
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4098
Who:
Announcer
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
4046
Who:
GLaDOS
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
4042
Who:
Core 2
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
4040
Who:
Announcer
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
4036
Who:
Announcer
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
4030
Who:
GLaDOS
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4017
Who:
Core 1
Butterfingers.
Listens:
4016
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4013
Who:
Core 1
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
4008
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir!
Listens:
3990
Who:
Caroline
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3987
Who:
Wheatley
Target lost
Listens:
3970
Who:
Turret
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3945
Who:
Defective Turret
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3943
Who:
Turret
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3934
Who:
Defective Turret
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3929
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3905
Who:
Cave Johnson
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3901
Who:
Wheatley
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3889
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3885
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3878
Who:
Core 1
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3846
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3807
Who:
Announcer
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3785
Who:
Core 2
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3779
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3774
Who:
GLaDOS
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3774
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3746
Who:
GLaDOS
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3743
Who:
Announcer
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3713
Who:
Cave Johnson
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3696
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3695
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3673
Who:
Wheatley
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3670
Who:
Cave Johnson
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3666
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3645
Who:
Defective Turret
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3627
Who:
Turret
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3618
Who:
Cave Johnson
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3615
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3612
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
