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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Yeah!
Listens:
5351
Who:
GLaDOS
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5336
Who:
Core 1
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5248
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5186
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5157
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5109
Who:
Core 1
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5041
Who:
Announcer
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5041
Who:
Announcer
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
4972
Who:
Turret
Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage.
Listens:
4964
Who:
Wheatley
Could a MORON PUNCH! YOU! INTO! THIS! PIT? Huh? Could a moron do THAT?
Listens:
4955
Who:
Wheatley
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
4900
Who:
GLaDOS
Hooray!
Listens:
4875
Who:
Turret
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
4831
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4829
Who:
Announcer
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
4828
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello?
Listens:
4812
Who:
Turret
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4778
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4763
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4715
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4650
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4605
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4601
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4580
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4576
Who:
Cave Johnson
Thank you!
Listens:
4538
Who:
Turret
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4510
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4409
Who:
GLaDOS
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4382
Who:
Core 3
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4359
Who:
Announcer
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4354
Who:
Wheatley
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4353
Who:
Announcer
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4350
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4346
Who:
Defective Turret
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4338
Who:
Core 3
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4328
Who:
Announcer
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4298
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4260
Who:
GLaDOS
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4228
Who:
Turret
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4218
Who:
Core 2
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4214
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4214
Who:
Turret
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4190
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4189
Who:
Cave Johnson
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4188
Who:
Announcer
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4174
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4129
Who:
Core 3
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4125
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4108
Who:
Announcer
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4080
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello.
Listens:
4080
Who:
Turret
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4072
Who:
Core 1
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4070
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
4064
Who:
Wheatley
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4042
Who:
Wheatley
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4017
Who:
Wheatley
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
3936
Who:
GLaDOS
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
3918
Who:
Announcer
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
3908
Who:
Core 1
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3869
Who:
Wheatley
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
3853
Who:
Core 1
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3846
Who:
Wheatley
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
3841
Who:
Announcer
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
3826
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3814
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3810
Who:
Core 1
Yes sir!
Listens:
3809
Who:
Caroline
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3805
Who:
Announcer
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3804
Who:
Defective Turret
Target lost
Listens:
3797
Who:
Turret
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3793
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3784
Who:
Defective Turret
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3777
Who:
Core 2
Goodbye, sir.
Listens:
3758
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3758
Who:
Defective Turret
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
3749
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3734
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3706
Who:
Wheatley
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3705
Who:
Core 2
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3667
Who:
Turret
Now, if you're part of Control Group Kepler-Seven, we implanted a tiny microchip about the size of a postcard into your skull. Most likely you've forgotten it's even there, but if it starts vibrating and beeping during this next test, let us know, because that means it's about to hit five hundred degrees, so we're gonna need to go ahead and get that out of you pretty fast.
Listens:
3665
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3608
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3571
Who:
Announcer
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3559
Who:
Announcer
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3549
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3541
Who:
Cave Johnson
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3541
Who:
Wheatley
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3538
Who:
Turret
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3528
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3519
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3515
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3511
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3499
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3495
Who:
Defective Turret
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3494
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3486
Who:
GLaDOS
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3482
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3446
Who:
Announcer
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3442
Who:
GLaDOS
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3433
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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