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Portal 2
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You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Core 1
We're in space!
Listens:
2595
Who:
Wheatley
Insecure.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
A...A...A...A...A... Umm... A.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
665
Who:
GLaDOS
I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox.
Listens:
1904
Who:
Wheatley
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2425
Who:
Core 3
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
21247
Who:
Turret
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
2023
Who:
Core 3
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
850
Who:
Core 3
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
703
Who:
Defective Turret
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
3057
Who:
Announcer
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
18826
Who:
Cave Johnson
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
1039
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Listens:
375304
Who:
Core 1
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 3
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
954
Who:
GLaDOS
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Charmless.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on in there?
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34972
Who:
GLaDOS
And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you
Listens:
825
Who:
Wheatley
Good.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Put me down!
Listens:
979
Who:
Turret
Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
3125
Who:
Core 1
Ow!
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth.
Listens:
1733
Who:
Core 1
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3646
Who:
Cave Johnson
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
904
Who:
Defective Turret
Come to gloat?
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
3963
Who:
GLaDOS
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1790
Who:
Caroline
clickclickclick
Listens:
722
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you reach that wall back there?
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
38987
Who:
Wheatley
We are?
Listens:
693
Who:
Core 1
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1417
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
826
Who:
Turret
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1322
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2347
Who:
Wheatley
Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 3
I heard gunfire! A bit late for this, but look out for gunfire! Probably doesn't help at this point, but I have at least tried.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Pfff. I guess.
Listens:
548
Who:
Core 2
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1623
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1242
Who:
Turret
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
988
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2199
Who:
Core 2
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6699
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2600
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
942
Who:
Turret
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6512
Who:
GLaDOS
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
24306
Who:
GLaDOS
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't hate you
Listens:
13104
Who:
Turret
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10340
Who:
Announcer
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1734
Who:
Cave Johnson
Carry on.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1362
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1354
Who:
Turret
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2045
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1714
Who:
Core 3
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1392
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1376
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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