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Portal 2
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Woooaaah!
Listens:
1199
Who:
Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1197
Who:
Core 1
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1190
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1185
Who:
Wheatley
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1184
Who:
Wheatley
I blame myself.
Listens:
1183
Who:
Turret
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1181
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
1177
Who:
Core 1
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1173
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1172
Who:
Defective Turret
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1169
Who:
Core 3
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1167
Who:
Announcer
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1166
Who:
GLaDOS
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1165
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1163
Who:
Core 1
Illegal operation
Listens:
1162
Who:
Turret
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1161
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1154
Who:
Turret
Lady.
Listens:
1151
Who:
Core 1
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1149
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1144
Who:
Core 1
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1144
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1137
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1137
Who:
Turret
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1135
Who:
GLaDOS
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1134
Who:
Announcer
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1132
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1132
Who:
Wheatley
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1130
Who:
Core 3
Yes!
Listens:
1126
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1126
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1125
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1123
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1123
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1120
Who:
GLaDOS
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1116
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooo?
Listens:
1114
Who:
Wheatley
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Core 3
Why?
Listens:
1108
Who:
Turret
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1107
Who:
Core 3
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1098
Who:
Announcer
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1098
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
1098
Who:
Defective Turret
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1096
Who:
Core 3
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Core 1
clickclickclick
Listens:
1092
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1088
Who:
Core 1
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1087
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1086
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1084
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1084
Who:
Defective Turret
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1081
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1081
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
1080
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1079
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1079
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1078
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
1077
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1076
Who:
GLaDOS
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1073
Who:
Wheatley
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1070
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
1069
Who:
Core 1
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Core 3
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1067
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1067
Who:
Wheatley
No hard fealings
Listens:
1067
Who:
Turret
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Announcer
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1064
Who:
Core 1
Press the button again.
Listens:
1063
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1059
Who:
Core 1
Oh boy.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1057
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1056
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing?
Listens:
1056
Who:
Turret
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1055
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1051
Who:
Core 1
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1051
Who:
Wheatley
What's a guy gotta do to get some bullets around here?
Listens:
1050
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Cave Johnson
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1047
Who:
Cave Johnson
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1047
Who:
Wheatley
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Announcer
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Core 1
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1043
Who:
Core 1
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1043
Who:
Wheatley
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Turret
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1042
Who:
Defective Turret
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1041
Who:
GLaDOS
Your business is appreciated
Listens:
1041
Who:
Turret
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1040
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1039
Who:
Wheatley
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1038
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
1037
Who:
Announcer
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1037
Who:
Core 3
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1037
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1037
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1036
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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