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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1255
Who:
Wheatley
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1254
Who:
Turret
Please stop.
Listens:
1252
Who:
Turret
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1251
Who:
Announcer
The end?
Listens:
1251
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1249
Who:
Core 3
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1243
Who:
Cave Johnson
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
1231
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1227
Who:
Wheatley
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1225
Who:
Turret
I blame myself.
Listens:
1224
Who:
Turret
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1221
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
1213
Who:
Core 1
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1213
Who:
Wheatley
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1211
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1207
Who:
Turret
Lady.
Listens:
1206
Who:
Core 1
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1205
Who:
GLaDOS
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1198
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1196
Who:
Core 3
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1194
Who:
Turret
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1192
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1192
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1187
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1183
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Core 1
Yes!
Listens:
1181
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
1181
Who:
Wheatley
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Announcer
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Core 3
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1180
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1179
Who:
Turret
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1178
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1173
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1167
Who:
Core 1
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1166
Who:
Core 3
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1163
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1162
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1161
Who:
Wheatley
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Cave Johnson
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1153
Who:
Announcer
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1150
Who:
Core 3
clickclickclick
Listens:
1148
Who:
Defective Turret
No!
Listens:
1144
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1143
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1142
Who:
Defective Turret
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1141
Who:
Core 3
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1140
Who:
Core 3
Helloooo?
Listens:
1137
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1135
Who:
Core 1
Blah.
Listens:
1131
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1130
Who:
Wheatley
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1129
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
1128
Who:
Turret
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1127
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1122
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1122
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1121
Who:
Core 1
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1121
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1121
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1120
Who:
Announcer
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1120
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1119
Who:
Core 1
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1117
Who:
Wheatley
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Core 3
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1114
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
1113
Who:
Announcer
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1113
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1110
Who:
GLaDOS
GO.
Listens:
1108
Who:
GLaDOS
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1107
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1106
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1103
Who:
GLaDOS
No hard fealings
Listens:
1103
Who:
Turret
Press the button again.
Listens:
1102
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1102
Who:
Wheatley
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
1100
Who:
Wheatley
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1100
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1098
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1098
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1098
Who:
Defective Turret
Please note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it.
Listens:
1097
Who:
Announcer
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
1097
Who:
Core 3
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1097
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1096
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1094
Who:
Core 1
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
1094
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1093
Who:
Core 1
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1093
Who:
Turret
Crap!
Listens:
1093
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing?
Listens:
1091
Who:
Turret
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 1
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1089
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1088
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Core 1
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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