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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
4225
Who:
Wheatley
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2691
Who:
Core 1
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1234
Who:
Cave Johnson
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
536
Who:
Defective Turret
Owwww!
Listens:
931
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
101393
Who:
Core 1
Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on.
Listens:
1488
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
722
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6626
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2284
Who:
Defective Turret
What's going on in there?
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
490
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
43751
Who:
Turret
I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7211
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1944
Who:
Wheatley
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning.
Listens:
1540
Who:
Core 3
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
699
Who:
Defective Turret
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
484
Who:
Defective Turret
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
440
Who:
Wheatley
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3659
Who:
Wheatley
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
3949
Who:
Announcer
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
505
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
799
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1470
Who:
Announcer
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1623
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
379
Who:
Defective Turret
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
743
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey!
Listens:
842
Who:
Turret
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing great!
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 2
OW...
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
Old.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Wet blanket.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
454
Who:
Core 2
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Wheatley
Argumentative.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1167
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
643
Who:
Core 3
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
436
Who:
Core 2
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1603
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously.
Listens:
982
Who:
Wheatley
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3800
Who:
Defective Turret
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
461
Who:
Wheatley
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4114
Who:
Core 1
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1659
Who:
Core 1
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15459
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2361
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Miss you!
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
931
Who:
Announcer
Alright, just a second...
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
547
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
846
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooo?
Listens:
1106
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8168
Who:
Cave Johnson
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven.
Listens:
1372
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
913
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
Now you're just not thinking.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Here I go!
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1153
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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