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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 2
If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
Insecure.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2171
Who:
Wheatley
Ugh!
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Carry on.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
961
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1644
Who:
Core 3
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5521
Who:
Core 2
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2654
Who:
Announcer
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2501
Who:
Announcer
Are we in space?
Listens:
1051
Who:
Core 1
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?
Listens:
1658
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
497
Who:
GLaDOS
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
494
Who:
Core 2
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
466
Who:
Wheatley
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2646
Who:
GLaDOS
While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
1011
Who:
Core 1
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1612
Who:
GLaDOS
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1319
Who:
Core 3
Hello? Friend.
Listens:
29687
Who:
Turret
Hairless. Hm.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2367
Who:
Wheatley
Noooooo!
Listens:
2058
Who:
Turret
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh]
Listens:
41606
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1035
Who:
Core 1
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care.
Listens:
1185
Who:
GLaDOS
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Core 1
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
4009
Who:
Wheatley
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18170
Who:
Core 3
Lady.
Listens:
1190
Who:
Core 1
Earth.
Listens:
1745
Who:
Core 1
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
898
Who:
Core 3
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2290
Who:
Wheatley
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
691
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4585
Who:
GLaDOS
Incoherent.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
127189
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4232
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, stand back, everybody.
Listens:
437
Who:
Defective Turret
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2760
Who:
Core 1
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1286
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2093
Who:
Wheatley
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?
Listens:
7837
Who:
Core 2
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
996
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Oh boy.
Listens:
1079
Who:
Core 1
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46904
Who:
GLaDOS
Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3372
Who:
Cave Johnson
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1110
Who:
Wheatley
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1321
Who:
Cave Johnson
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2605
Who:
GLaDOS
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
459
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1368
Who:
Defective Turret
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7343
Who:
GLaDOS
No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
922
Who:
Announcer
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
568
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1683
Who:
Core 1
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
731
Who:
GLaDOS
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5534
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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