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Portal 2
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Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
751
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2708
Who:
Defective Turret
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1633
Who:
Cave Johnson
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1655
Who:
Defective Turret
Helloooo?
Listens:
1114
Who:
Wheatley
I'll meet you on the other side!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4211
Who:
Core 3
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think the electrical switch was down there?
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
science collaboration points.
Listens:
671
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1033
Who:
Defective Turret
Blah.
Listens:
2040
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1773
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2239
Who:
Turret
Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2452
Who:
Turret
Here she comes! Just play along! RememberFifteenChambers!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
769
Who:
Wheatley
I won't let you down!
Listens:
392
Who:
Defective Turret
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
1874
Who:
Core 1
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1266
Who:
Core 3
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
930
Who:
GLaDOS
What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1233
Who:
Core 3
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1132
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you have there?
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1050
Who:
Wheatley
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3311
Who:
Turret
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3922
Who:
Announcer
Go on!
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1297
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
884
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
908
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2156
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1470
Who:
GLaDOS
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
940
Who:
Core 2
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Right behind me.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1463
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
12584
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
476
Who:
Defective Turret
Lawl
Listens:
88214
Who:
Turret
Look down. Who's that, down there, talking? It's me! Down on the floor. Needing you to pick me up.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
927
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1348
Who:
GLaDOS
Busybody.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
I hate you so much.
Listens:
13540
Who:
GLaDOS
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1615
Who:
Cave Johnson
That was nobody’s fault.
Listens:
740
Who:
Turret
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
3988
Who:
Announcer
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1566
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 3
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15166
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
That's not funny.
Listens:
1798
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3581
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Illegal operation
Listens:
1162
Who:
Turret
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1399
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
467
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on?
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space.
Listens:
1744
Who:
Core 1
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1365
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
6908
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
1220
Who:
Turret
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
Listens:
781
Who:
Core 3
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4758
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
4198
Who:
Turret
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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