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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
670
Who:
Core 2
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
3002
Who:
Core 1
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
675
Who:
Wheatley
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen.
Listens:
2308
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1208
Who:
Core 2
You're on your own.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
12615
Who:
Turret
The turret factory should be this way I think.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1725
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2548
Who:
Core 3
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1651
Who:
Turret
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7529
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
404
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah!
Listens:
1651
Who:
Core 1
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
630
Who:
Wheatley
I don't blame you
Listens:
24059
Who:
Turret
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
613
Who:
Core 3
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Ugh!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1168
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2021
Who:
Announcer
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6334
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
772
Who:
GLaDOS
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
993
Who:
GLaDOS
Core transfer?
Listens:
795
Who:
GLaDOS
Get mad!
Listens:
34175
Who:
Turret
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
1040
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
1233
Who:
Turret
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3459
Who:
Turret
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1004
Who:
Core 1
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1173
Who:
Announcer
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4521
Who:
Announcer
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Get ready for it!
Listens:
369
Who:
Defective Turret
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Listens:
18645
Who:
Wheatley
Was that necessary?
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
923
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
701
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Announcer
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
407
Who:
Wheatley
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4296
Who:
Turret
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4008
Who:
Announcer
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
HA! I knew someone was alive in here.
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
979
Who:
Defective Turret
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1363
Who:
Caroline
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5908
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Grab me grab me grab me! Grab meeee!
Listens:
2942
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Alright.
Listens:
379
Who:
Defective Turret
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
1131
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
647
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Core 3
Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1087
Who:
Wheatley
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
848
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2936
Who:
Turret
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1878
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap!
Listens:
1214
Who:
Defective Turret
Always sad.
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2423
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1209
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
100111
Who:
Defective Turret
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2255
Who:
Defective Turret
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1498
Who:
GLaDOS
Moves lips while reading.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
989
Who:
GLaDOS
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Door?
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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