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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Core 1
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
18987
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
789
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
668
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Core 1
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1397
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you go first.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
Well played.
Listens:
468
Who:
Defective Turret
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3366
Who:
Announcer
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
977
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, thanks. We get it.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
3061
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
3357
Who:
Wheatley
Moody.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
979
Who:
Announcer
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
705
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1233
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1367
Who:
Core 2
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Lawl
Listens:
89806
Who:
Turret
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous.
Listens:
3379
Who:
Core 2
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1547
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1205
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8808
Who:
Caroline
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2310
Who:
Core 1
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
817
Who:
Wheatley
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
588940
Who:
Core 1
The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up.
Listens:
755
Who:
Wheatley
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
314726
Who:
Announcer
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
830
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3505
Who:
GLaDOS
You are about to get me killed.
Listens:
1630
Who:
Core 3
What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space.
Listens:
214871
Who:
Core 1
Hold on -
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1111
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1523
Who:
GLaDOS
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1572
Who:
Announcer
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2267
Who:
Cave Johnson
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2808
Who:
Wheatley
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
681
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'.
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
What about that camera?
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1389
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa!
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
509
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
8059
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7624
Who:
Announcer
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
986
Who:
Defective Turret
Briefly.
Listens:
780
Who:
GLaDOS
Ok... Here we go...
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
696
Who:
Defective Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2119
Who:
Turret
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
27243
Who:
Caroline
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
596
Who:
Core 2
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1729
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1383
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Moody.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Listens:
516
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1375
Who:
Defective Turret
We made it we made it we made it. Space!
Listens:
3389
Who:
Core 1
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4363
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2222
Who:
Wheatley
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 3
Try it now.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, solve it!
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
And off we go.
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with.
Listens:
4542
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5220
Who:
Announcer
AH!
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
709
Who:
GLaDOS
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
OW!
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
929
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1147
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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