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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Uh oh.
Listens:
620
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
844
Who:
Turret
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1291
Who:
Core 1
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1035
Who:
Wheatley
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
85813
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
I don't understand!
Listens:
5624
Who:
Turret
Go on.
Listens:
874
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1386
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
695
Who:
Core 3
The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends.
Listens:
797
Who:
Core 3
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
437
Who:
Core 2
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
But just work with me.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
997
Who:
Wheatley
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
107780
Who:
Wheatley
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
665
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
72428
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1166
Who:
Core 3
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
18665
Who:
Cave Johnson
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
4780
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
1392
Who:
Turret
There's another wall over here!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
172336
Who:
Wheatley
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1817
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
888
Who:
Defective Turret
Space.
Listens:
1024
Who:
Core 1
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1516
Who:
Core 1
No!
Listens:
1065
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
735
Who:
Defective Turret
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
33756
Who:
Wheatley
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
3942
Who:
Core 1
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4721
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Moody.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3581
Who:
Announcer
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1444
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
5327
Who:
GLaDOS
We have to get you out of there!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
722
Who:
Core 2
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
601
Who:
Wheatley
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Martyr.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4518
Who:
Announcer
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
870
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Core 1
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
538
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
600
Who:
Wheatley
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1818
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1037
Who:
Cave Johnson
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2226
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
983
Who:
Core 1
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
99462
Who:
Defective Turret
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4403
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
917
Who:
GLaDOS
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
982
Who:
Cave Johnson
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 3
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1117
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming through!
Listens:
2035
Who:
Turret
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1454
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
869
Who:
Defective Turret
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
37219
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
21364
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
6884
Who:
Wheatley
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1848
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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