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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1358
Who:
GLaDOS
We're running out of time...
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1052
Who:
Core 1
Good Job.
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't need to do that.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8638
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3128
Who:
Core 3
For safety.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3817
Who:
Announcer
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
719
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, careful now.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1649
Who:
Turret
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Announcer
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes!
Listens:
1163
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent.
Listens:
895
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1233
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1872
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
1026
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
593
Who:
Core 2
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
981
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
477
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2491
Who:
Caroline
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2641
Who:
GLaDOS
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell...
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
SPAAACE!
Listens:
52191
Who:
Core 1
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2637
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!
Listens:
754
Who:
Core 2
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3348
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Yes sir, Mr. Johnson
Listens:
9523
Who:
Caroline
It flew off.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. Almost got you there. Almost got ya there!
Listens:
441
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
778
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1250
Who:
Cave Johnson
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
853
Who:
Core 3
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3938
Who:
Defective Turret
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1631
Who:
Core 1
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
22066
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2084
Who:
Turret
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
595
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2641
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
640
Who:
Core 3
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1086
Who:
Core 1
There it is.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2352
Who:
GLaDOS
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
520
Who:
Core 2
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
19521
Who:
Core 1
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
935
Who:
Announcer
Press it!
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5421
Who:
Announcer
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Wheatley
How was that?
Listens:
380
Who:
Defective Turret
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4460
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Core 1
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1089
Who:
Core 1
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
1065
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6835
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
No variances detected.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2599
Who:
GLaDOS
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1852
Who:
Cave Johnson
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
494
Who:
Wheatley
Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
813
Who:
Defective Turret
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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