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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Ahhh...
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
Fears intimacy.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Core 1
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1527
Who:
Core 3
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3565
Who:
Announcer
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
778
Who:
GLaDOS
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1119
Who:
Wheatley
Can't read.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
That's horrible.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
127327
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2322
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
896
Who:
GLaDOS
Try it now.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43561
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
756
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1422
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5732
Who:
Core 2
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
2008
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue receives
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button again.
Listens:
1101
Who:
GLaDOS
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2127
Who:
Turret
See that?
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, who-?
Listens:
624
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
440
Who:
Core 2
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
26674
Who:
Announcer
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2823
Who:
Wheatley
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
Listens:
2396
Who:
Core 3
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1670
Who:
Cave Johnson
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2494
Who:
Caroline
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46983
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggggh!
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
27334
Who:
Caroline
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1426
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2055
Who:
Core 3
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7600
Who:
GLaDOS
What was that?
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3374
Who:
Cave Johnson
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay!
Listens:
436
Who:
Defective Turret
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
997
Who:
Announcer
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
550
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18898
Who:
Core 1
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1883
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
1464
Who:
Turret
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1337
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
942
Who:
Wheatley
Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that.
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.
Listens:
1027
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3961
Who:
Defective Turret
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
905
Who:
Core 3
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
21580
Who:
Turret
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2684
Who:
Announcer
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2089
Who:
Turret
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1589
Who:
Announcer
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
746
Who:
Wheatley
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1374
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2619
Who:
Core 1
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1179
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1322
Who:
GLaDOS
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1146
Who:
Announcer
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
1046
Who:
Core 3
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all.
Listens:
1423
Who:
Core 2
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
545
Who:
Core 2
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Narcissist.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
943
Who:
Announcer
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4521
Who:
Defective Turret
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1796
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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