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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3508
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
1364
Who:
Caroline
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1450
Who:
GLaDOS
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15169
Who:
Wheatley
Did you do that on purpose?
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Cryptic.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
694
Who:
Wheatley
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3081
Who:
Core 3
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
5948
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
442
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1441
Who:
Core 3
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
857
Who:
Core 3
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3691
Who:
Wheatley
No hard fealings
Listens:
1067
Who:
Turret
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2707
Who:
Core 1
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2446
Who:
Defective Turret
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Who said that?
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
26480
Who:
Core 2
You asked for this!
Listens:
383
Who:
Defective Turret
Keep moving! Just keep moving!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
876
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
553
Who:
Defective Turret
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4428
Who:
Defective Turret
Do not press that button!
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4890
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah.
Listens:
364
Who:
Defective Turret
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
455
Who:
Defective Turret
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1755
Who:
GLaDOS
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
29241
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1047
Who:
Cave Johnson
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
1004
Who:
Core 3
Please go to space.
Listens:
1000
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7655
Who:
Turret
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
23263
Who:
Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7218
Who:
GLaDOS
Incoherent.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1345
Who:
Wheatley
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
739
Who:
Wheatley
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
2994
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Caroline
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3843
Who:
Turret
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1755
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3164
Who:
Wheatley
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2493
Who:
Turret
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
656
Who:
Wheatley
Where'd you go?
Listens:
377
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
990
Who:
Core 1
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4381
Who:
GLaDOS
Anxious.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, don't smudge up the glass down there. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and not touch anything unless it's test related.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Cave Johnson
Why...
Listens:
2819
Who:
Turret
Yes! Come on!
Listens:
837
Who:
GLaDOS
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3657
Who:
GLaDOS
AHH!
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2236
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1137
Who:
Turret
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
869
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
426
Who:
Wheatley
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2126
Who:
Wheatley
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
1056
Who:
Turret
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3505
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
532
Who:
Defective Turret
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
738
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
1874
Who:
Core 1
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2260
Who:
Announcer
It burns.
Listens:
2822
Who:
Turret
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
8649
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1593
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
1388
Who:
Turret
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1366
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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