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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1589
Who:
GLaDOS
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
997
Who:
Core 1
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
757
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Chews with mouth open.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
And that makes 10.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1125
Who:
Core 3
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7480
Who:
GLaDOS
There's another wall over here!
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1818
Who:
Cave Johnson
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Announcer
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
871
Who:
Turret
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
1008
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
She’s probably okay.
Listens:
738
Who:
Turret
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4695
Who:
Announcer
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
23845
Who:
GLaDOS
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Fears conflict.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
910
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1371
Who:
Caroline
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1988
Who:
Cave Johnson
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2265
Who:
GLaDOS
Antisocial.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Open the door!
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
809
Who:
Core 1
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1634
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Let go!
Listens:
411
Who:
Wheatley
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
898
Who:
Defective Turret
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
174480
Who:
Wheatley
Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright?
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
900
Who:
GLaDOS
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5888
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
32643
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10563
Who:
Cave Johnson
I can only imagine.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
2082
Who:
GLaDOS
You messed with the wrong turret!
Listens:
19359
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1194
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
3116
Who:
Caroline
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
50851
Who:
GLaDOS
Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1068
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
754
Who:
Wheatley
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
10988
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1888
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
871
Who:
Wheatley
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5377
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
826
Who:
Core 3
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1268
Who:
Defective Turret
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
485
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1963
Who:
Core 2
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1699
Who:
GLaDOS
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4231
Who:
Core 3
three
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Listens:
22390
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
589
Who:
Core 2
Sorry.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19402
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3369
Who:
Wheatley
Good!
Listens:
3061
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5229
Who:
Core 1
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
940
Who:
Defective Turret
Owww!
Listens:
956
Who:
Turret
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2738
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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