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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2569
Who:
Core 3
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1151
Who:
GLaDOS
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1296
Who:
GLaDOS
You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
631
Who:
Wheatley
GO.
Listens:
1096
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7411
Who:
Wheatley
The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days.
Listens:
895
Who:
Core 3
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
421
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you see the portal gun?
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
There's the exit! We're almost out of here!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1922
Who:
Core 1
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4209
Who:
Defective Turret
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
29031
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
21992
Who:
Core 1
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1144
Who:
Cave Johnson
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
800
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
3433
Who:
Defective Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1382
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3421
Who:
Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2046
Who:
Announcer
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Core 3
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
771
Who:
Core 3
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7619
Who:
Wheatley
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
531
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1412
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
649
Who:
Wheatley
'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'
Listens:
1915
Who:
GLaDOS
Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhh... Wha- What happened?
Listens:
1488
Who:
Wheatley
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2224
Who:
Announcer
Target lost
Listens:
3942
Who:
Turret
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4008
Who:
Core 1
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
655
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
816
Who:
GLaDOS
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Core transfer?
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8790
Who:
Caroline
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
950
Who:
Core 3
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Wheatley
Just turn around.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
It flew off.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
81021
Who:
Announcer
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
103452
Who:
Core 1
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you get out?
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1134
Who:
Wheatley
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Door?
Listens:
400
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3552
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1123
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh. What?
Listens:
909
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
1033
Who:
Core 1
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3609
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
That's the spirit!
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
And off we go.
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
What'd I hit?
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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