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Portal 2
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This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Come to gloat?
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
GAH!
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
I'm trouble.
Listens:
381
Who:
Defective Turret
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
594
Who:
Defective Turret
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4809
Who:
Announcer
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1705
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
2171
Who:
Turret
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Listens:
28671
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2075
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1706
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
38594
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, down those stairs, please?
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2213
Who:
Cave Johnson
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1279
Who:
GLaDOS
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1011
Who:
Defective Turret
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1427
Who:
Caroline
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1779
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1115
Who:
Core 1
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1443
Who:
Caroline
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1284
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
2019
Who:
Wheatley
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1985
Who:
Wheatley
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7764
Who:
Turret
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
983
Who:
Core 2
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2230
Who:
Wheatley
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4017
Who:
Core 1
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2474
Who:
Announcer
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1519
Who:
Announcer
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. Lights on.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1159
Who:
Core 1
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
575
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright?
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, solve it!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
669
Who:
Core 3
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
36297
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
314625
Who:
Announcer
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1978
Who:
Core 1
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! How long's the door been open?
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
895
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
1050
Who:
Core 1
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye!
Listens:
3475
Who:
Turret
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19661
Who:
Wheatley
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1578
Who:
Core 1
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
388
Who:
Defective Turret
Ahh!
Listens:
1453
Who:
Turret
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1152
Who:
Core 3
Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1802
Who:
Caroline
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46580
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1891
Who:
Core 1
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
8056
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9929
Who:
Wheatley
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2361
Who:
Wheatley
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
24024
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
385
Who:
Wheatley
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
81208
Who:
Announcer
Excuse me
Listens:
2082
Who:
Turret
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2221
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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