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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
990
Who:
Announcer
Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
775
Who:
Wheatley
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
Please do not engage with turrets heading towards redemption.
Listens:
980
Who:
Announcer
Orange, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
915
Who:
Turret
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2082
Who:
Cave Johnson
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, can't win 'em all.
Listens:
398
Who:
Defective Turret
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1932
Who:
GLaDOS
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2234
Who:
GLaDOS
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10817
Who:
Announcer
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
885
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through to the other side.
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2084
Who:
Turret
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1910
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9095
Who:
Wheatley
You really do have brain damage, don't you?
Listens:
2249
Who:
GLaDOS
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!
Listens:
35822
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Wheatley
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1355
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
459
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
717
Who:
Wheatley
Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper.
Listens:
2778
Who:
Core 1
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6458
Who:
Turret
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about.
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1351
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
5081
Who:
Turret
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 3
Please put me down
Listens:
1426
Who:
Turret
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2077
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1043
Who:
Core 1
Until now.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1658
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3368
Who:
Cave Johnson
Um.
Listens:
542
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
3258
Who:
Announcer
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
802
Who:
Wheatley
Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
48314
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
884
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
775711
Who:
GLaDOS
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
No variances detected.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Rgggh!
Listens:
607
Who:
Defective Turret
Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6960
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
1253
Who:
Turret
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Space.
Listens:
103879
Who:
Core 1
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
1029
Who:
Core 1
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
101660
Who:
Defective Turret
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1088
Who:
GLaDOS
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
20491
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3649
Who:
Defective Turret
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
916
Who:
GLaDOS
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1257
Who:
Wheatley
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2959
Who:
Wheatley
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1275
Who:
Defective Turret
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
22066
Who:
Core 1
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1271
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, hey, how ya doin'?
Listens:
538
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange receives
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3954
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
Goodnight
Listens:
5941
Who:
Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
780
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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