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You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2641
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Stubborn.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1105
Who:
Wheatley
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
Listens:
1687
Who:
Core 3
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Do you understand what I'm saying? Just tell me 'Yes'.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
Agggh! I'm on fire!
Listens:
7338
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
615
Who:
Defective Turret
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1177
Who:
Core 1
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1732
Who:
Announcer
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1140
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhh. Almost got you there. Almost got ya there!
Listens:
441
Who:
Wheatley
While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
530
Who:
Defective Turret
Goodbye
Listens:
8783
Who:
Turret
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2491
Who:
Caroline
Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1153
Who:
Cave Johnson
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
765
Who:
Turret
Well done!
Listens:
672
Who:
Turret
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3363
Who:
Turret
You can't give up now.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
692
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19710
Who:
Wheatley
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2100
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3576
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1311
Who:
Core 1
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4375
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to jump across.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a sterile environment; please refrain from riding on the turret line.
Listens:
990
Who:
Announcer
What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1707
Who:
Cave Johnson
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1638
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
778
Who:
Wheatley
Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE.
Listens:
1466
Who:
Wheatley
I was confident you could finish.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18151
Who:
Core 3
See you soon!
Listens:
930
Who:
Turret
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
2031
Who:
Core 3
Think about this.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
897
Who:
Defective Turret
Can't read.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Here she comes! Just play along! RememberFifteenChambers!
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhh...
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
HA! The tube's broken! We can ride it straight to her!
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
635
Who:
Core 3
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
26415
Who:
Announcer
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh!
Listens:
1456
Who:
Turret
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggggh!
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
23734
Who:
Turret
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
10628
Who:
Turret
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
941
Who:
Announcer
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
2120
Who:
Turret
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
592
Who:
Core 3
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 3
Good.
Listens:
575
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1211
Who:
Core 1
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1131
Who:
GLaDOS
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2110
Who:
Core 2
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1250
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1845
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2077
Who:
Wheatley
Right behind me.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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