Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2195
Who:
Announcer
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1310
Who:
Core 1
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
629
Who:
Core 3
Blah.
Listens:
1117
Who:
GLaDOS
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2792
Who:
Cave Johnson
Old.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
733
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Moody.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
966
Who:
Defective Turret
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
192670
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
911
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
979
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
30377
Who:
GLaDOS
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1671
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4486
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
1010
Who:
GLaDOS
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1443
Who:
Caroline
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2500
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
39157
Who:
Wheatley
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
495
Who:
Wheatley
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
6313
Who:
Defective Turret
ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme
Listens:
979
Who:
Wheatley
And...?
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1919
Who:
GLaDOS
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
Please ping a white portalable surface.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
1057
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
839
Who:
Core 1
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 3
It's a paradox! There IS no answer.
Listens:
5052
Who:
GLaDOS
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Listens:
24232
Who:
Caroline
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
What was that?
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
693
Who:
Wheatley
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3839
Who:
GLaDOS
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4214
Who:
Defective Turret
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
The end?
Listens:
1233
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
544
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2253
Who:
Wheatley
If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7595
Who:
Announcer
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1545
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8597
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
690
Who:
Core 1
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
944
Who:
Wheatley
Really? Okay.
Listens:
1061
Who:
GLaDOS
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2068
Who:
Cave Johnson
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
891
Who:
Wheatley
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Wheatley
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1980
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
901
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
514
Who:
Wheatley
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you bested me this time.
Listens:
406
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
2032
Who:
Wheatley
Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
Listens:
1407
Who:
GLaDOS
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
850
Who:
Defective Turret
Fantastic.
Listens:
926
Who:
Defective Turret
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1274
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
23669
Who:
Turret
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1446
Who:
Announcer
Back again!
Listens:
988
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3693
Who:
GLaDOS
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
44846
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1283
Who:
Wheatley
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1149
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
5509
Who:
GLaDOS
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1008
Who:
Defective Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
811
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
874
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious.
Listens:
909
Who:
Wheatley
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
769
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
