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Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
965
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
712
Who:
Wheatley
The end.
Listens:
1659
Who:
GLaDOS
I blame myself.
Listens:
1212
Who:
Turret
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Announcer
I'm fine!
Listens:
1253
Who:
Turret
Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans.
Listens:
1313
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
459
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1610
Who:
GLaDOS
You will be dead soon.
Listens:
895
Who:
Core 3
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
That is not part of the test.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
835
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep moving! Just keep moving!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Never on time.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
24631
Who:
Wheatley
OW.
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
She is a gem.
Listens:
3110
Who:
Cave Johnson
This way! This way!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1852
Who:
Cave Johnson
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
622
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Cave Johnson
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1397
Who:
Announcer
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
629
Who:
GLaDOS
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 2
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5486
Who:
GLaDOS
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1840
Who:
Cave Johnson
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1092
Who:
Wheatley
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
How was that?
Listens:
380
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1489
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
981
Who:
Wheatley
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2480
Who:
Announcer
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1677
Who:
Announcer
Ooagh!
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Unknown error
Listens:
1893
Who:
Turret
Helloooo?
Listens:
1132
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
1302
Who:
Core 1
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
500
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1153
Who:
Cave Johnson
Paradoxes.
Listens:
938
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
955
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1087
Who:
Wheatley
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
695
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you reach that wall back there?
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1437
Who:
Turret
Chronically late.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
Um.
Listens:
542
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4548
Who:
Wheatley
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
983
Who:
Announcer
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us.
Listens:
1394
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3467
Who:
Core 1
Who said that?
Listens:
583
Who:
Defective Turret
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
456
Who:
Defective Turret
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1864
Who:
Wheatley
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7329
Who:
GLaDOS
That isn't science.
Listens:
2628
Who:
GLaDOS
Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
481
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
609
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7595
Who:
Cave Johnson
It won't.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Core 1
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
755
Who:
Core 2
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1431
Who:
Core 2
Right behind me.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Firing
Listens:
752
Who:
Turret
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
599
Who:
Core 2
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
56142
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1896
Who:
Announcer
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
578
Who:
Defective Turret
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Wheatley
The end?
Listens:
1240
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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