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Portal 2
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Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!
Listens:
2484
Who:
Core 1
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Just turn around.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1149
Who:
Core 3
Yes sir!
Listens:
3984
Who:
Caroline
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
11040
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Here I go!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
1015
Who:
Cave Johnson
I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'.
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1077
Who:
Wheatley
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
5664
Who:
Turret
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
707
Who:
GLaDOS
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4094
Who:
Announcer
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
574
Who:
Defective Turret
Why?
Listens:
1122
Who:
Turret
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1048
Who:
Announcer
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1964
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! That's ME they're talking about!
Listens:
718
Who:
Wheatley
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm sure we'll be fine.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?
Listens:
3784
Who:
Core 2
Butterfingers.
Listens:
4015
Who:
Wheatley
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
966
Who:
Defective Turret
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4341
Who:
Turret
Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before.
Listens:
2754
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1392
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1772
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1229
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
732
Who:
Wheatley
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
473
Who:
Wheatley
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2067
Who:
Cave Johnson
...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2469
Who:
Announcer
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
719
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1064
Who:
Core 1
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
1010
Who:
Defective Turret
Good!
Listens:
3081
Who:
Announcer
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Core 1
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
914
Who:
Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
974
Who:
Turret
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
728
Who:
Wheatley
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2485
Who:
Caroline
I lied.
Listens:
796
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap]
Listens:
21954
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2356
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you alright?
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye Caroline!
Listens:
25974
Who:
Caroline
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2793
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
SPACE!
Listens:
21738
Who:
Wheatley
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1974
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5729
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
DO press it.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
587
Who:
GLaDOS
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2408
Who:
Defective Turret
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
1016
Who:
Wheatley
Seeks out conflicts with co-workers.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2097
Who:
Core 2
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, come on!
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Self test error
Listens:
1467
Who:
Turret
I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
589
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
1076
Who:
Defective Turret
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
933
Who:
Turret
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
87240
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
456
Who:
Defective Turret
MOVE.
Listens:
526
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Now, you might be asking yourself, 'Cave, just how difficult are these tests? What was in that phone book of a contract I signed? Am I in danger?'
Listens:
1741
Who:
Cave Johnson
One
Listens:
814
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10800
Who:
Announcer
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1873
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
584
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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