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In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
703
Who:
Defective Turret
What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1091
Who:
Announcer
Be careful!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
No no no, not that way!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
2082
Who:
GLaDOS
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Listens:
18875
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
643
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is.
Listens:
2201
Who:
Wheatley
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
28966
Who:
Announcer
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2072
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hi there!
Listens:
2141
Who:
Defective Turret
Never listens.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
522
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1106
Who:
GLaDOS
OW.
Listens:
786
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
449
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
113679
Who:
Core 2
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1070
Who:
Wheatley
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop it already.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Defective Turret
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
694
Who:
Core 3
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4050
Who:
GLaDOS
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
758
Who:
Turret
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2089
Who:
Turret
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
851
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3138
Who:
Caroline
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1408
Who:
Wheatley
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
678
Who:
Core 3
Histrionic.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
921
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you...
Listens:
970
Who:
Turret
You messed with the wrong turret!
Listens:
19357
Who:
Defective Turret
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3978
Who:
GLaDOS
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3467
Who:
GLaDOS
It burns.
Listens:
2860
Who:
Turret
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6512
Who:
GLaDOS
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
945
Who:
Core 3
Stubborn.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhoh
Listens:
966
Who:
Turret
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1851
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm different...
Listens:
69714
Who:
Turret
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1376
Who:
GLaDOS
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1627
Who:
Core 3
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3555
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25562
Who:
Core 1
Are you still there?
Listens:
58315
Who:
Turret
Critical error
Listens:
13522
Who:
Turret
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
22350
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 1
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
964
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
This isn't fair!
Listens:
679
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1100
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1171
Who:
Wheatley
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5823
Who:
Core 3
Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
698
Who:
Core 2
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you see the portal gun?
Listens:
521
Who:
Wheatley
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1576
Who:
Core 3
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
692
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
2540
Who:
Core 1
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1301
Who:
Wheatley
OW!
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
478
Who:
Defective Turret
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
1046
Who:
Core 3
I'm done.
Listens:
1327
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
55534
Who:
GLaDOS
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1871
Who:
Cave Johnson
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Like the potato!
Listens:
186813
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
[whispered] ...I think she's lying...
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
We're back!
Listens:
2069
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, now. She can't use her turrets. So let's go and take care of that neurotoxin generator as well.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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