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Portal 2
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Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2987
Who:
Turret
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3621
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1662
Who:
GLaDOS
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1060
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Here I go!
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
How you doing down there? You still holding on?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3714
Who:
GLaDOS
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't blame you
Listens:
24600
Who:
Turret
Ah!
Listens:
1668
Who:
Core 1
Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
559
Who:
Core 3
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
721
Who:
Wheatley
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again!
Listens:
996
Who:
Defective Turret
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1172
Who:
Announcer
That's not funny.
Listens:
1866
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
955
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
783
Who:
Core 3
There.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
481
Who:
Core 2
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1066
Who:
Core 1
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3515
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2499
Who:
GLaDOS
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
645
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one.
Listens:
735
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
26965
Who:
Core 2
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19841
Who:
Wheatley
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1306
Who:
Wheatley
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
730
Who:
Core 3
Two
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
810
Who:
Wheatley
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1090
Who:
Core 1
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3881
Who:
Core 1
Come to gloat?
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1280
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
1364
Who:
Turret
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
696
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]
Listens:
4381
Who:
GLaDOS
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
600
Who:
Core 2
My fault
Listens:
1301
Who:
Turret
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2872
Who:
Wheatley
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2748
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6631
Who:
Core 3
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1319
Who:
GLaDOS
Incoherent.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Cave Johnson
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
740
Who:
Turret
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
2019
Who:
Wheatley
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1793
Who:
Wheatley
Please prepare for emergency evacuation.
Listens:
3346
Who:
Announcer
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Core transfer?
Listens:
828
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
799
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1087
Who:
Core 1
Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1703
Who:
GLaDOS
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2585
Who:
Announcer
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4938
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1092
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2647
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
737
Who:
Wheatley
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2619
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
961
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
821
Who:
GLaDOS
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1357
Who:
Announcer
Hello!
Listens:
7192
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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